a hapless archive of the blogosphere:

Mini-Martha

2009-02-28T10:21:00.000-05:00

I've been on this earth for 29 years. I've been a wife for 3 and a mother for 1. We live a simple life, which makes us simply happy. I love crafting, decorating, throwing parties and homemaking. My friends call me Mini-Martha, but I only get some of my inspiration from "Big" Martha (Stewart, of course). I also like to talk. So blogging just seemed natural because I have one-sided conversations all day long (my toddler doesn't respond in words just yet).

2009-01-13T23:26:00.003-05:00

We drove home today and got home in plenty of time to see all of this playoff game. Sorry about the awful picture, but the results are the same. The yelling and screaming out of pure excitement freaked my child out. Chargers winning in OT = Benjamin crying. Too loud he says.

tracie

2009-01-12T12:57:00.000-05:00

sounds i like

- crickets
- heartbeats
- ringing metal
- wood blocks clapping
- rain
- typewriter keys
- ping pong balls
- guitar harmonics
- racquetball balls
- splashing
- zippo lighter sounds
- shaking a matchbox
- little jingle bells
- coin sounds
- turning pages
- shuffling cards
- the popper in Trouble, the board game
- snapple caps
- light switches
- throwing wet clay into wet clay
- bubbles
- tracie
- dog tags jingling
- fire crackling
- jacket snaps
- zippers
- tapping a ripe cantaloupe
- yawns of small creatures
- things fitting together
- bubble wrap

price book

2009-01-05T16:16:00.001-05:00

I found around $100.00 in my pocket today as well as a number of Target, Kmart and my Walgreens gift cards so DD14 and I headed out to get some shopping done. I will be listing my excursions and listing prices to use as a price book for myself for the year. This will also help serve as a way to monitor cycles of sales, coupons, rewards and rebates.

Dollar Store:
1.00 News Papers x5
1.00 Hanna Montana Germ Gel x1 for DD
6.41 (cash)

Schnucks:
4.35 Ground Lamb
2.88 Ground Round
2.26 Ground Pork (for Lasagna tonight)
5.35 Sirloin roast
0.75 Wax Paper
2.29 Coffee Mate Pumpkin Spice - 1.00
3.49 Coffee Mate Irish Cream - 1.00
8.26 Cubed Steak
2.00 Roland canned Artichoke Hearts
2.00 Dreamfield LC Lasagna
1.59 Ziploc (Christmas clearance) screw top containers x4 - 1.00/2
1.00 Durkee seasoning (Chicken, Steak, Pepper/Mustard, Pepper, Cinnamon) x8 - 1/2
1.00 NY Texas Toast Croutons x 8 - .50
2.00 Daisy Cottage Cheese 2% - .75
2.79 Daisy Cottage Cheese 4% - .75
48.13 = Subtotal 62.63 - 14.50 coupons (cash)

Aldis:
2.99 Shredded Mozzerella Cheese
1.99 Tub Parm Cheese
1.36 Bananas
6.59 (cash)

Kmart: Double Coupons up to $1.00
1.99 Revelon Tweezer - 1.00
1.29 Revelon Emery Boards - 1.00
1.67 Suave Solid Antipers. x2 - .55
2.89 Pedigree Breath Buster x3 - 1.00
2.99 Pupperoni -1.00
2.79 Beggin Strips x 4 - 1.00
2.50 Glade Wisp Refill - 1.00
2.99 Cottonelle Wipes x3 - 1.00
2.29 Wet Ones x3 - .75
22.15 = Subtotal 47.78 - 22.47 coupons (cash) - forgot about GC

Walgreens:
3.00 Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream x3 - 3.00 woohoo free icecream
4.00 Playtex Tampons - 1.00Q - 2.00 ES
.74 Stickers Christmas clearance for DD -filler
.60 Christmas clearance tissue paper
.49 Christmas clearance labels
5.00 Benefiber sticks x2 - 2.00 (5.00 RR)
3.49 Electrasol - 2.50 (1.50 ESMIR)
5.00 Bayer Aspirin x4 - 2.00 (10.00 RR)
2.50 Glade Candle Angel Whisper (1.00 ESMIR)
2.99 Garnier Fructis Shampoo -1.00Q - 2.00 ES (not programmed in others returned)
2.50 Kelloggs Cereal 3 Mini Wheat 1 Frosted Flakes -1.00 (3.00 RR)
-10.00 RR from last week
19.10 = (18.00 RR) [2.50 ESMIR] {8.00 Bayer MIR} WAG GC

Target:

3.25 Electrasol X3 - 2.50

9.98 Solar light set of 4 clearance (didn't need but wanted for years good price)

13.10 Target GC

For the month 500 - 83.28= 416.72 and I still have $10.00 left.

Dinner was a homemade lasagna w/ garlic bread from the freezer and salad.

..........ExtremeSavingMom..........

NO NOTHING

2008-12-29T02:10:00.001-05:00

Friday, July 25, 2003
One soldier in Iraq recently posted his thoughts, of all places, on an internet football forum:

IM STILL ALIVE ! WE GOT A HALF A PEICE OF INTERNET NOW....BOUT DANG TIME...DIGITAL DIVISION MY A**

IVE BEEN IN IRAQ SINCE LATE APRIL.... BEEN SHOT AT TO MANY TIMES TO COUNT...I HAVE SEEN THE DARKSIDE AND THE EVIL MEN DO, GUYS THIS AINT NO JOKE... FOLK GETTIN SHOT UP OVER HERE EVERY DAY...IRAQII'S TRYIN TO INFILTRATE OUR PERIMETERS...VEHICLES GETTIN HIT BY RPG'S ...AND RUMOR HAS IT BUSH IS TELLIN THEM TO BRING IT ON....WHAT THE HELL?!

3ID IS GETTIN SCREWED BIG TYME....GOD KNOWS WHAT THEY GOT IN STORE FOR US....ITS A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE AND ALL I WILL SAY IS OUR LEADERSHIP AINT NOWHERE NEAR THAT LINE ...KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN...THERE ARE SOME HOSTILE INDIVIDUALS OVER HERE....VERY VERY HOSTILE...

NO WMD.....
NO WMD
NO NOTHING.....

http://truthout.org/docs_03/072503A.shtml

OLD WORLD ORDER

2008-12-29T00:13:00.003-05:00

Passing a container vessel on the Indian Ocean

Trekking India

2008-12-21T11:20:00.000-05:00

[...]

TIPS FOR YOUR SIMCHA:

Whether it is a Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah, Bris Milah, Chuppah or other event, keep an eye on where the photographer is. Whoever is photographing, please try not to push them or knock them. If you jump in front of the photographer so that you can see something specific taking place, yes you will enjoy that short moment, but you just might prevent the same special shot from being available to the happy family afterwards for the rest of their lives. Remember, the family pays for professional photographers. If you are a family member or friend who loves photography, that is great, but please do not jump in front of the paid photographer as in the end, you are wasting the valuable money being paid by the happy family.

[...]

a place called eyam

2008-05-30T12:24:00.001-04:00

in germany i caught another snake. it was only 20 or so cm. i found it under a log. i also cuaght a lizard.
i'm in England now.
we went up to friends the day before yesturday.we stayed in a place called eyam. in this village the plague was brought from london 400 years ago. it was brought by a piece of cloth. the vicar organised so that no villager went out or any other people from different villages came in. he organised that there was a stone where the eyam villagers and put money and people from other villages brought food. the plauge never went out of eyam. but in that time over 250 people died and only 60 or so lived.

we also saw a steeple that is twisted.
a man built it out of wood. the wood, because it was new wood, twisted. the man that built it commited sucicde because of it. a bit drastic.
you won't believe it until you see a picture.
i will send pictures of the snake and steeple when i can.

keeping up

2008-05-23T10:10:00.001-04:00

Are we crazy with these gas prices? We will find out. We won't be going real far, so it won't hurt quite as much. But with the prices of everything going up it sure makes you think. I am comming up with creative ways to save a dollar. We shop at a supermarket that gives you a break on gas and that really helps! I am learning to use other food items, and make more homemade items. We eat turkey and chicken meat now...lots of other short cuts. Anyway to save money I am for it. We are quite blessed, we have an abundance of cereal, and do pretty well otherwise. I hope all of you have a great weekend and good luck with keeping up with todays prices. Happy Holiday.

Glory

2008-05-21T17:14:00.000-04:00

THE BRUTAL TRUTH

Yesterday evening I took Glory out to look at the stars. They were beautiful. After we oohed and aahed a bit, Glory began one of her conversations (the kind two year olds have and you wonder where the thoughts came from.):

GLORY: "Where's the car?"
ME: "Over there, behind the shop."
GLORY: " Do we have one car?"
ME: "Yes."
GLORY: "Do we have two cars?" (Vans are not cars, she has informed me in the past)
ME: "No."
GLORY: "What happened to our other car?"
ME: "We got rid of it because it got really old."

Long Pause . . . .

GLORY: "Well, you're really old."

Thankfully, when the conversation was relayed to Keith, he emphatically stated that we would not have to get rid of Mom yet.

bit eerie

2008-05-20T01:01:00.004-04:00

... Besides seeing a bit of history, we were also able to take in the beauty of the area around us. The aspen, spruce, & fir trees shadowed the trail making it seem a bit eerie, but calming at the same time. We didn't see anyone on the trail and really enjoyed ourselves.

Fort Bragg

2008-05-15T01:43:00.000-04:00

Our "continental breakfast" this AM at the motel consisted of Wonder Bread toast and/or Danish. That was it except for coffee and juice machine (which ran dry). This was laid out in a tiny, cold lobby, with 3 tiny tables, presided over by an unsmiling individual. Usually, the motels do a much better job than this. You can't win 'em all, I guess.
Our plan today was to continue up the coastal highway to Fort Bragg. We would pass through the west side of S.F. and then over the Golden Gate Bridge. I know we have not done justice to 'Frisco in our very short time in the city. There is much to see and do there, things that would keep you busy for days, but we still have a few thousand miles to go. Two places in California in particular where I would like to return and spend more time are Yosemite Park and San Francisco. I hope we get the chance.

one knows and more

2008-01-11T08:12:00.000-05:00

The Art Of

Thinking/Thought.
Living/Life.
God.
Everything/More.

God knows we try to listen, even metaphysically. Yes, one must also listen metaphysically, so to speak.

If one only knew things that one could prove, then one must know very little.

One knows all that one knows and more. Figure that. God Blesses.

Does it Google?

such food

2008-01-10T11:15:00.000-05:00

I am at school and I have grown up. I must learn to be independent. When I was at home, my father, mother, and grandmother all still treat me as a little girl and give me anything I want and arranged everything very well for me. If some dishes is what I like to eat or I want to eat, my parents and my grandmother would make it for me or buy it for me at once. This summer holiday, I told my mother that I can’t eat fruits because they are too expensive and I am so mean, the result is that my mother bought apples, pears oranges and peaches everyday. The refrigerator is full of fruits and it seems like that the refrigerator is producing those delicious fruit. When I want to buy some new clothes, my mother even can give up her favorite TV series and company me to visit the shops one by one when it’s really scorching outside. Because I said I like “jiaozi” and “zongzi” the most in the world, my grandmother spent the whole day making them for me. You know it was very hot that and I can see my grandmother was sweating and she just quit her afternoon nap. Because I said I feel sick with the dishes within too much oil in them and it’s better that there was even no oil in them. The next time when my father cooked fried rice for my brother and me, he really put little oil in it. Yes, I like eating such food, but the fried rice with little oil is not the fried rice any more and that time my brother felt sick. Because I said incidentally that I would like to eat constant noodle, my brother bought me two bags with his own pocket money. I felt shameful that I always shout loudly to my dear brother and quarrel with my parents and my grandmother. What was I doing? How can I do such thongs? I am so selfish!

the shadows

2008-01-10T09:53:00.000-05:00

If the 'next blog button' is any indication these spamblogs are roughly 7 out of 10. I like the way this one built the suspense for the product and relied like a 1940s magazine ad on the suggestive trope of illumination, of light vs. dark.

Tired of Dark Spaces? Install a Halogen Lighting Kit

For some time now, many a homeowner feels they have installed lighting everywhere they could possibly need it: In the closets, over the bathroom sink, over the stove top, and sometimes even in the oven. There are lights for the fish tank, the garage, and even the children's desks. but there is one area that has been in the dark far too long.

How many times have you found yourself looking for a certain pot or pan, but it seems to hide in the shadows? How many times have you looked for the perfect spice, but missed it due to the label being hard to read? And how many times have you been caught with the last square of toilet paper, so you desperately search the bathroom cabinet while trying to stay seated - and the new roll appears to be hiding from you?

Well, a new innovation that has been on the market for a short while is available to you to solve all of these painful experiences, and more:

melodramatic much?

2008-01-08T13:58:00.000-05:00

Lisa b said...

blogbiter please remove this unauthorised copy of my post and the link to my blog immediately.

5:03 PM

re:

The Mouse

Th(is) bast/ard HEARd YoU tHE fIRST TIMe.

"the back up"

2007-11-12T00:02:00.000-05:00

Scattered

My apartment is in complete and utter disarray. I can't stand it. Granted, its all essential to the moving process. My life in boxes...again. Hopefully this next move is the last one for a long time. This does ring somewhat hollow since this is what I said when I moved to Louisiana just 9 months ago. I just didn't realize Louisiana was going to be so far from home.

When I first moved to Louisiana I got many questions from well-meaning people about adjusting to the weather and I am sure some of the people I leave behind will think that I couldn't take the heat...literally. That's not it. Yes, the summer was interminably long and humid. I have to say, I have read a great many books in my time and more than a fair few describe this humidity as sultry; as if there was a sensuality and steaminess to it. I can tell you that the humidity I experienced was nowhere near sultry. It's just heavy and it hangs there. I won't miss it.

I also got several questions about culture-shock. There were some things that I needed to get used to, I readily admit to that. I was born and raised in predominantly Catholic Rhode Island. Religion here is a completely different thing. It's advertised everywhere, there are billboards and commercials and tv spots. It sponsors the morning weather. There are a lot of guns...rifles, etc. I saw a television commercial for something called "the back-up" which essentially is a gun rack that attaches to your bed. There is nothing wrong with any of this, it was just new and different. The food is different. Cajun, creole, its all excellent - there is catfish instead of cod, crawfish instead of crab, and lots of shrimp. None of it ever clicked though, except for the cooking.

I never felt home. Short of actually being home, the place I like the best is North Carolina. So I decided to move there. This is why my apartment is in disarray. In two weeks I head out for Durham, North Carolina, for a new job, and a new place. Two weeks to wrap up too many things, say good-bye to my wonderful staff, and put the rest of my life in boxes.

break up a joke

2007-10-22T00:12:00.000-04:00

at a few aboriginesesbreak up a joke, no one answers him, all aborigineses are toward a strength in the frontbreak up a jokeof kowtow, follow the direction that they kowtow, we see be break up a joke a tree branch to commit suicide by hanging 1 firm to become a few a bunch of feathers from the snake skin."This be a kind of warning."Deeply have the wheat of research to Maya's culturebreak up a jokethe gram's explanation say."Getting up, all getting up for me isn't a few feathers471972

This I believe!

2007-10-19T03:08:00.000-04:00

[...]

Blessed are the strange, the weird, the people we laugh at, those who do not fit our mold, especially the socially wretched and despised. By their presence in our lives, their mission is to expand our reality—on our part, reluctantly and on theirs, so painfully—by forcing us to look at them in the hope that we see God in them.

This I believe!

Blessed are the depressed and the addicted for they are called upon to demonstrate the healing miracles of God through their own awakening.

This I believe!

Blessed are the broken, those who fail, those who fall below our expectations for they are asked to show the rest of us that not being perfect is part of the human condition—that accepting our imperfection is the first step in our realization of the divine perfection of all that is, as is.

This I believe!

Blessed are the nameless, the faceless the dispossessed—the refugees, the homeless and the poor for they point us to the way to compassion. By their sheer numbers, they tell us that ultimately, the experience of compassion is inescapable.

This I believe!

Blessed are the cruel, the calloused and uncaring, for on some deep unconscious level, they choose to delay their own liberation so that others may be ‘enlightened’ by their example.

This I believe!

Blessed are those who arouse us to anger, who bring out the worst in us, for they force us out of the denial that we harbor within—that we are hooked on them, that they resonate with something hidden inside us, and to break free, we must let go of our misguided moral superiority.

This I believe!

[...]

Musings From Home

omgosh

2007-10-16T02:16:00.001-04:00

the evil cycle ...

study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run study study study study run study run

double woah!

inspire him

2007-09-13T09:21:00.000-04:00

today did nt go to sch. i went to airport instead. Mug finish chem in 1 day? fast? muahahaha. So qiang of me haha. Moltivated. I thought of it. If some1 want to kill a person, giving him all the money in the world will nt stop him from thinking of killing tt person. The thought is still in that person head. But if some 1 inspire him, the thought will stop. Somethings money cannot buy. HAHAHA. fast forward to after i finish studying.

Got a crasy idea. Nt gonna say it. Went forward with my crasy idea. And tt ppl actually agreed to it. WOots:D:D:D hahahahahaha crasy idea sucess:D:D

peace out super sian now.

That's the way I am

Making Networking Work

2007-09-09T10:49:00.000-04:00

veral years ago, "networking" was the hot buzzword. Everyone was talking about building their network, because this was the secret to becoming incredibly successful. Well, yes, networking is a great way to build a business, but not necessarily the way a lot of people went about it.Family

Taylor

Question for the guys ... ladies too if you wanna

2007-09-05T11:18:00.000-04:00

Guys
I (Chelle) was wondering 2 things.
:headscratch:
1. Do you judge the women you want to hook up with souly based on their naked pictures? Or do you want to see the faces as well?
And the next is along the same lines
2. Do you really think that all us women decide who we would like to talk to more by looking at your naked pictures only? Not the face.
I have noticed this on a few different sites of the pictures.
i am so NOT agasint seeing those naked pics not at all but not as the ONLY pics
Just curious and would LOVE to know your thoughts and what the women think as well

jeyakumar000iju

When logos attack

2007-08-10T02:12:00.000-04:00

Warm Up, the popular, almost decade-old event at PS1 always pulls a fantastic crowd, looking to dance to great music. Saturday's set started with a tight set by Darshan Jesrani and featured MU, the collaboration of Maurice Fulton and Mutsumi Kanamori. Kanamori's set took a while to get the crowd on her side, but after she had won them over, Fulton spun an amazing set.

The biggest change in Warm Up over the years has been the increasingly pervading corporate logos. It's fantastic that they are able to team with Nikon and Target. Nikon has a discreet booth off to the side. Target is a little more, um, invasive. Early on they started with red and white beach balls emblazoned with the Target logo being dropped from the P.S.1 roof. Good enough fun, but rather distracting when what you are there to do is dance.

When the beach balls ran dry (mostly deflated and pocketed over time), the next aerial assault happened. Foam-filled zippered nylon red discs came down. Possibly they were meant to be frisbees, but a suspicious mind thinks they were actually supposed to be used as seat cushions. These flew nicely in the air, but were a jolt to the system if they hit you. (And the zippers were particularly harsh on the face.)

It was not long ago that a corporate sponsorship meant a mention on the website, a banner or twelve, or a mention in the program. More and more, sponsors chose to impregnate events making sure that "maximum consumer visual impact is achieved".

Dancing is about moving to music, feeling the crowd and getting down. If arms are raised in the air it should be out of joy, not self defense.

Maybe napkins would be more effective?

Manhattan Offender

The Two Commandments

2007-07-29T15:05:00.000-04:00

What would a Men's Room Bible without Commandments? Well, given what we have so far (which admittedly isn't much) I think it goes without saying that the first two commandments of the Men's Room is:

1. Thou shalt not urinate immediately next to another man.

2. Thou shalt not draw attention to thineself

This Men's Room Bible is in the making, so we reserve the right to modify the commandments, yadda, yadda, yadda. You know - the same disclaimers that Moses used.

The Men's Room Bible

Sunnyday feels good Brings good News Become a Happy

2007-07-20T01:20:00.000-04:00

Sunny Happydays

Sunnyday feels good Brings good News Become a Happy

3Loves Directory Standup Online Naked Forums I Told U So

Sunny Days; aka happymindbecomehappy.blogspot.com/

grown man on

2007-07-10T14:08:00.000-04:00

I Need Something New

Open thought
Why cannot stand the sight of my co worker? Or as I call her, my ho worker?
I cannot stomach to even look at her anymore.
I wish she didn't sit next to me.
I wish she could move off the nearest cliff to be quite honest.
[was that wrong to say?]
So,
I have been real happy as of late.
I have an idea of who I am, what I tolerate, and what motivates me to get to the places I need to get too. For the first time, my summer is booked. I am going places and visiting people. I am looking into photographers. I am planning my move to NYC. I am getting my grown man on.
What I can't stand however are these "associates" I have in my outer circle.
If it isn't one thing,
it is the next with them.
Maybe, it is my fault because I let them back in to sit down in the good seats when they clearly need to be locked out of my show and sent to the back of the line.
I have been complaining for months that I need to meet new people [a higher social circle] and I think God has answered my prayers. All these people have been showing their ass and I have been to the point that I do not want to deal with them anymore.
They don't have shit
They are broke
They think their shit don't stink
They are depressed
They are users
They are plain
They are just not the hotness.
Have you ever been with friends and they would split the bill with you or even pay because "they got you"?
Well, I havent! I am usually the one doing all the treating. I am always "looking out" for people. Believe it or not but, I am a really nice guy... and not just on holidays. When I consider someone to be my friend, I expect to see results. The only results I see is my blood pressure raising through the roof.
Don't get me wrong, they have done somethings but not enough. My birthday was last week and do you think I got a present or even dinner? I wasn't even treated. I didn't even have a get together. I just spent money on myself ... which I been doing for the last few years.
I'm not saying I want to be pampered but I want to know my friends can spend on me. Go places and see new things together. Grow and establish a foundation. Even if we have to go dutch on alla this.
So, I have decided to branch off and meet those people that can do that and teach me more than these people around me are doing right now.
Is that so hard to ask for?

Creating J. Ricardo

but

2007-04-24T23:44:00.000-04:00

Why am I here?
The most recent issue of Notre Dame Magazine just came.

More than 20 people answer the question: What am I doing here?

As far as I can tell, none of them are stock brokers or salespeople or anything like that. Several are writers. A friend who is a comedian wrote one of the pieces. And of course there are professors.

Still, it's a good question. Why am I here? Why do I want to go there?

I remember a job interview I once had where the wine columnist asked my, "Why are you here?" When I said I was there to interview for the job that had been advertised, he repeated the question: "No, but why are you here?"

Then I mentioned how his city was much more diverse than the city where I lived and worked at the time. And with that his eyes lit up and he started talking about how it definitely was a wonderful place to live. But I moved away. And now I'm here.

Why am I here? Why do I want to go there?

Perhaps that's the makings of another slam poem also.

Poetic Feet

join traffic

2007-04-17T00:01:00.000-04:00

Merging

Know what I hate? (To get back into the original format of this blog)

People who don't merge correctly, either from not knowing how, or just not caring. Merging should be done in a careful fashion. The main objective of merging is to join traffic while affecting the traffic flow as little as possible.

A zipper merge is called a zipper for a reason. It's usually used when a road is narrowing. Two lanes become one lane, and traffic merges in an every-other car fashion, much like the teeth of a zipper. In a zipper merge, you need to drive almost to the end of your lane before merging.

Things not to do in a zipper merge:
- try and merge before the "zipper point" (near the end of the lane that is ending)
- not let any cars in in front of you
- cut someone off who has already let a car in front of them
- be an idiot and annoy me

A highway merge is different. You do not want to drive to the end of the merge lane unless you absolutely must. You need to use the on-ramp and merging lane to increase your speed and then merge ASAP.

Things not to do in a highway merge:
- cut to the RIGHT (either onto the shoulder or another merging lane) to get around cars in your merging lane that are "going to slow". This will only make traffic flow slower.
- drive to the end of the merging lane and either be forced to slam on your brakes (which will then require you to merge from a dead stop and violate my next "do not" rule
- cut people off. If the person behind you when you merge has to slam on their brakes, you have cut them off.
- tailgate the car in front of you in the merging lane
- be an idiot and annoy me

LTD!

Know what I hate/love?

courage

2007-04-09T13:45:00.000-04:00

span style="font-weight:bold;">Incognito

I'm a working actress, writer, artist. I'm also a somewhat-moderate Republican, although I haven't always been. In my youth, I was out there demonstrating with the best of them. I even voted for Jerry Brown in the California primaries. I might even have voted for Jimmy Carter (God forgive me if I did), but then I grew up! Saw the Light, so to speak. I wish I could be open about my politics, but in the Arts one has to remain close-mouthed because they do blackball those with ideas contrary to their own. I would be considered a moderate, of sorts, because I'm a proud member of all my Unions: AEA, SAG & AFTRA and though I'm not sure what I think about unionizing Pizza Delivery drivers, I do believe the Actor Unions are very important. I also tend to be pro gun control. Perhaps someday, if and when I give this all up, I'll finally have the courage to proudly proclaim "I'm a Republican and proud of it!".

Confessions of a Closet Republican

Wrote this.

2007-03-28T23:04:00.000-04:00

What I Did Today [Yesterday]
Friday, September 08, 2006

Welcome to my day.

Got up around 8 this morning. Checked my email, did some design work. Resigned myself to the fact that exporting PDFs always takes longer than you think. Emptied my school bag. Tore a bunch of useless pages out of my new agenda. Called Hilary. Put everything back in my school bag. Ate blueberries, feta cheese, a St. Urbain bagel, more blueberries, and an apple muffin or three. Left for school. Got nervous sitting across from someone with a big bag on the subway. Realized how stupid that was. Got off at Yonge. Realized that wasn't my stop. Rode the subway down and around to St. Patrick. Saw some students on University; considered stalking them and taking a photo if they were wearing my SAC shirts. Thought the better of it. Got to class 30 minutes early -- first one there. Of course. Finished reading "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" by Jonathan Safran Foer. Class started; apparently ou
r teacher is semi-famous and a Globe columnist. He asked us to write down what grade we expected to receive in the class. Wrote down 90; got afraid that was a stupid thing to have done. Read over the course outline; students immediately objected to writing 2-and-a-half single-spaced pages by next Friday...which brings me to my first point: most people in that class appear to be idiots.

Actual quotations from students of today's class:

"We have our first thesis class next week and I won't have enough time to do the assignment."
[Thesis class is Tuesday. Today is Friday. This is a university. Suck it up.]

"Can I take my laptop and write it [a first-hand report about the Don Mills neighbourhood] there?"

and another student, in response: "I wouldn't use my laptop outside in Don Mills."

"If we choose to write a fictional piece, can I write it as if I'm someone else?"
[Yes. Yes you can. Or else I suppose it would be non-fiction!]

"So we have to make two films?"
[No, it says 'audio-visual documentation'. Draw something.]

Sigh.

Went to the library after class. Checked my email. Read over a few Thesis papers from a few years ago. Read Maisonneuve, Maclean's, and Wired. Checked my email again. Realized I'm addicted to checking my email. Wrote this.

David Kopulos

cold bottle of water

2007-03-28T02:43:00.000-04:00

Chi Square

Was on my way to TOPS to do my grocery shopping when I met this old man playing his instrument. The weather was SO unbearable I tell you. Scorching hot and he didn't have any water with him.

So, instead of donating money, I went to buy for him a cold bottle of water from TOPS so that at least he can drink when he rests.

Bangkok is the only place where you will ever find beggers. I've been around and interestingly, it is the ONLY place where begging takes places. Weird huh. It's tough to live in a city and it is tougher to live in a city when you don't have a job to survive on.

Friday night and I didn't want to spend the night alone. Party time!!! Called Sergio and Tim (Thai) to drag me with them to wherever they were going that night. Tim recommended Chi Square; a mix of live band and RnB DJ music that was played alternately. [...]

The Rockstar Lullaby

people care

2007-03-27T01:36:00.000-04:00

special visit!

It felt so good to walk the streets of crown heights again.. i haven't been there in quite a bit of time and I actually missed that place. I feel like i have more there than at home!
It was so good to learn again with my friends in 770 and Daven there ... there's a feeling there that i don't get in Israel, i mean i know Israel is amazing all holy and spiritual but there is something in crown heights that i don't get anywhere Else...
i cant explain it .. its like a weired feeling, I feel like I'm on a high! i feel like people care, It was just such a good weekend everything just went well...

sicko me

2007-03-23T01:59:00.000-04:00

hey ppl im chaning url ..
due to some pdp stuff ):

bleh why am i always SICK? ):
sicko me ._.
didnt go school for 3 days.. ]:
think i missed damn lot of stuff man
haiz momo say coz the holi homewrok too much le too stressed den i ate two packets of choclates on that days and A LOT A LOT of fried food so... become like that ):
temperature was 38.9 on tues and 37.9 on weds den thurs suddenly become 35.7 crazy lah
didnt go to school today coz i wasnt feeling well ):
anw thank you he lao shi for that sms (:
you are really a GREAT TEACHER MAN (((:
and thx everyone hu took care of me?haha ytd (:
i love momo [: thank you

i have learnt to treasure things more

it's j u s t FASHION :)

discipline unit

2007-03-21T12:29:00.000-04:00

This morning,our popular head of discipline made an announcement about students who are bringing their mobile phones & dating.Thank God i did not come to school for CCA yesterday,IF I COME,I'm dead! My phone will be taken! Alhamdullilah.. I went to Aez house yesterday! =P I'll post some pictures we took later..

Ok,lets talk more about this morning.People who was caught by discipline unit bringing mobile phones is Muiz,Alif,Hakim & so on... Ok,now I'm gonna post about that Hakim,HE IS SO ANNOYING! He's a big liar... He always tell me that he own a nokia N95 (WHAT? ALUM KELUAR KALIAH?!) & he also told me that he owns many phones! URGH.Liar! But I only see him using that not-so-cool phone everytime! Maybe he's just jealous that I own a Nokia N93 ! =D
HAHA.Out of topic..

Just now Alin was also caught by the discipline unit because of dating.but yeah,she is on the right side,because she is just with Khairul Anwar,which is so-not her boyfriend! Mariah was also caught.Pity her =( & the head discipline teacher also talk rudely about that! Dijah was also caught by discipline unit because one of the prefects saw her with his boyfriend,Alif.She cried just now..but yeah..no comment.

Ok enough about that.Hey! Tomorrow is the last day of school! YEHA! Just now,mrs Tan said she was suprised that we all pass our topic test 3! Before she gave us the test,she already prepared the retest paper! & she's really proud of our class..No failures since the topic test 1 =D

hakeemm. notes of a tragedy

pork ribs

2007-03-20T12:11:00.000-04:00

24 February 2007

Yoyoyo. wassup wassup.

Heh. the stress is getting to my head. anyway.. after i blogged earlier on this afternoon, i showered and left home. met nash under e block.. then drove to orchard towers. I had to collect my new semester's books and schedule. ugh. more stress. schools starting on the 9 of march. every weekend fer 4 weeks!!!!!!!!! omfg. then theres practicum after tt also. haiz. i havent even finished this sems assignments also. hopefully, the extension is granted. pray for me ppl.

Then we went to bugis. Along e way.. i was watching Ep5 of heroes on his lappy. I cant wait for next week for the show to show again la. I love Heroes! Then we went to Billy Bombers for Lunch+Dinner. The theme of the restaurant is nice. Very American. Very. They had the old school jukebox at every table. and the chairs were so lewl. The menu was really good. I cant wait to try the rest of the food there. I ordered halfslab of pork ribs and nash had the chix and ribs. I love pork ribs!! especially the ones from Tony Romas!! Nash recommended the milkshake there, so i ordered a vanilla milkshake while he orded a "Pink Pussycat". hahah. I LOVED THE MILKSHAKE. ITS FREAKIN NICE!!!! LOVE IT LOVE IT. I WANT MOREEEEE!

Come under my spell...

my finger on

2007-03-19T02:11:00.000-04:00

stagnation

I feel like I'm stagnating in my life. I was realizing last night that I have one year left until the "real world" really gets going. And I will (hopefully) have a real, full time job and less flexibility in my schedule but hopefully more money. I just feel like nothings really going on in my life. It's just the same old crap. I don't really know what I'm expecting, but I think I'm just really sick of settling for the day to day monotony. It just seems like a never-ending loop of school, work, sleep, repeat. I guess I shouldn't be complaining, since I am pretty happy with my life. I like my school and my internship, and I'm doing well with biking, running and playing with my puppy!!! Nothing is really wrong, at least not that I can put my finger on.

I'm really hoping that plans work out for going to North Carolina over break. It looks like I'd be leaving NY on the 5th, early in the morning, and driving strait through to a campground near Pisgah, that has yet to be determined. Then I'd hit trails from the 6th to 11th, and start the drive back on the 12th. I still have to plan camping arrangements, tentative trail plans for each day (so people know where I am), and food arrangements. I have to get both my bike and my car into the shop. Car issues are probably the main reason why I'd have to cancel. I know that I need to get some repairs done on the front end; I just need to make the appointment.

Also, I started filling out the application for UK Pro to go to England after I graduate. I don't know if I'm actually going to go, but I'd really like to have the option. It would be scary (I've never lived more than 4 hours away from home) but exciting too! I think it would be great to move abraod for a while. It's something I've always wanted to do. The hardest part would be finding someone to care for Marley for 6 months while I was gone.

Here She Is

according to magazines and other mass media

2007-03-16T01:03:00.000-04:00

Why this association ?

They are some of the most beautiful and sexiest womens alive, or at least according to magazines and other mass media.

Maybe you ask why I made this association ? Because I see a news that Jessica is intending to develop her own video game.
Angelia Jolie is the girl that was lunched by the Tomb Raider made after the successful video game. Before that movie I never heard about her. Now I discovered that Jessica Alba is a popular star that will make her own video game. So you see the association now ? Is exactly upside down. But is the same thing. And I am really wonder if Jessica will manage to bring the fame to her character in the game as Lara binged so much fame to Jolie.

Disclaimer: First I have to say that I don't prefer any of them and the order of the name are alphabetically.

I made a Google fight and here are the results on December 28, 2006:

Let's see how is going to change in the future.
Angelina Jolie vs. Jessica Alba

subprime mortgage

2007-03-14T04:23:00.000-04:00

Editor's Note: Not sure what to make of this blog. It's late. I haven't had time to go through it, but there's different languages, different script; collectively it seems like cut and paste work, waiting and wanting for links to be followed. I refuse, and rather post this as a poem. A knod to Rob Read in a sense, and his Daily Treated Spam.

Nice Joke

Why not? You got a point. They got a lot of billionaires. India.
People in Egypt are pretty well off!

Greenspan. subprime mortgage. Okay, on track. Relatively reassuring. Got it.

Why does everyone go to the US for jobs? 6 million jobs? That's why you need a fence?

Cancelled meeting? Why?

Terror attacks? with bytes? Telehouse. There's a place like that? hub backup.
Pretty well prepared. Figures. Hear it from the media.

How much? Tell the world? 86% company held. 6 times growth. Run of out space this year. Bunker services booming. ? England.

Press Baron. Conrad Black. Up to life in jail. 64 million?

Does it Google?

his blubbering

2007-03-11T12:12:00.000-04:00

Chapter 56.4: The Mouths of Babes

While I was waiting for the PATH train to embark this morning and braving the cold breeze that came in through the open doors, a mother and a small, crying child walked in. I couldn't see them through the other people standing, but I could hear his blubbering. I could barely make out the words through his crocodile tears. I wasn't sure whether his mother had taken something from him or swatted him -- possibly both. Then some words came through "...broke it." blubber blubber blubber. "You broke my head" ... blubber blubber "...broke my fucking head!"

I chuckled to myself, hoping I'd mis-heard the words. Soon after, the kid stopped crying.

Matt Sinclair's Coffee Cup

I don't come from this Reserve

2007-03-09T01:05:00.000-05:00

NAME: Paul Acoose [Cree]

BIRTHDATE: 1885-deceased

VETERAN: unknown

BAND: Sakimay First Nation

Elder
I don't come from this Reserve, I was born in Kahkewistahaw Reserve. My mother died when I was a baby, and my grandmother raised me. She fed me rabbit soup because there was no milk.

When I was 19, I left school and started training as a runner. First I went to Winnipeg and ran a 15 mile race, I was the winner. I kept on training and won a 26 mile race in New York. I also ran in Brandon, Vancouver, and Victoria Island. I didn't make much money, but nobody ever beat me. I won some gold cups and some medals. My dad was a good runner, too. One time he chased seven elks from Moose Mountain to here.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

2007-03-07T01:22:00.000-05:00

Spring Fever

Today was the first real day of spring in the Puget sound. My thermometer hit 69, the sun shone, the breeze tossed white clouds around the intense blue sky, and the grass and weeds grew as I was watching.

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.

My expedition outside was actually to take Zach out to the doctor, and the warm weather was a wonderful surprise. Less welcome was the news that Zach's asthma symptoms are back, after several years of having no respiratory issues. This year, he's had four or five upper respiratory viral infections, and the last couple have left him wheezing with lung inflammation.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
~ Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost

I have always believed in my children's innate resiliency. Their natural state seems to be glowing, energetic, bursting health. They grow like the weeds in my garden in spring, oversized and shaggy, without restraint. It leaves me profoundly shaken to realize that they're not quite so spontaneously self-healing, and in fact, require some extra care and cultivation.

Don't we all?

Smug Puppies

awkwardly nerdy cute

2007-03-06T03:29:00.000-05:00

Lately while watching Grey's Anatomy or various movies, I've heard a lot of cute, romantic quotes and I think to myself "Ya know what, you're never going to be clever enough to come up with something like that." It's true. I want to believe that I could one day come up with such witty, irrepressibly romantic (without going over the top, of course) quotations that will lead men to even shed a tear. But no, I will be forced to awkwardly nerdy cute for the rest of my days, but hey, that's not too bad of an option. One day, I will come up with something... one day.
Lately, I've wanted to just scream. Scream until all the air has escaped from my lungs. Scream until I can feel that pain melt out of me. Scream until I forget.
I guess I have found a different way to cope. It's like when I left BL after Christmas, I left that part of me behind. Two months and no tears shed, minus when my contacts fuck up my left eye. I guess that's what growing up is like?

Ok, so it is time for you guys to tell me a favorite memory of me and you. That would be pretty awesome right about now.

Randomosity And How It Can Work For You

50 years

2007-02-28T04:44:00.000-05:00

the silence is over...
yes, thats right, i am blogging again! I finally feel that i have something to say...much has happened....although most of you are aware thati will be marrying Isaac Morton on June 16th....i also just found out that this is Sheri McConell's birthaday! what an honor...

as i was showering this morning, i began to think about this funny pizza delivery man named Dudley...he delivered my pizza 2 nights ago, and i used to work with him at cafe 22...hes in his 40's and has been delivering pizza for i think 20 years or so...anyways he rambles incessently and began talking about global warming....he said that we have around 50-100 years before its a ll over....

well,i am not sure how acurate those figures are, but either way its a frightening thought...as i was showering i added 50 years onto my present age...of course i rounded it up to 30...so in fifty more years i would be 80...i was flooded with the reality of my possible death at the age of 80. i hope, that with a heatlhy lifestyle i could live beyond this...but it made me understand why 45 year old men/women, rush out and try to live the fastest, youngest life they can, faced with the reality that they too could die soon. its a big thought...one life, one chance. it made me very somber...and i asked myself, am i living my life as i truly desire....will i regret my decisions?

suddenly i felt an overwhelming urge to love God as best as i can, to live a full and good life and to no longer let fear prevent me from doing the things i love. in many areas...fear holds me back from succeeding...a word used loosely as success to me equates being true to your heart....i realize that this is idealistic, but at the same time it really challenged me to move forward with my dreams and not to settle for an average life (average to me) for the sake of comfort and ease....

i really want to explore and live. there is so much i want to see and do...i realize that all of this requires stuggle and risk, but for some reason i was all the more excited to undertake that reality...in exchange for a possible life with no bounds....

so what do i love, what do i dream for, what is realistic (hee hee)

i will ponder this today....

and start tommorow...(lets hope)

sueno

Geez!

2007-02-26T01:21:00.000-05:00

Hygiene in the elevator

The experience seems much more pleasant when you are joined by someone who emits odors that last even when that person has left that area..i mean think about it, isint it nice when you can tell where that person came from what that person was doing by how they smell? wuteva! unless you've just showered and you smell like a summer garden is that ok, but coming in to an elevator and realizing that the person standing in front of you just ate sinigang and smoked a cigarete and just left a greasy hand print on the walls of the elevator is not an experience people want. of course someone is going to react to this and say that we should be more understanding of each others life circumstances, but it's not as if i have never been to payatas(quezon city garbage dump site where people squat and live) visited a family there and not even smelled a hint of garbage around their home helew? The simple act of washing your hands, wiping your mouth area after eating or even popping a breath mint would be better. But then again if the simple act of walking up one flight of stairs if you only have to go up one floor is too much to ask maybe the simple act of chewing a peice of mint gum is just too much for people to handle Geez!

ThE AnGrY GuRL

heart for the prompting

2007-02-23T14:02:00.000-05:00

A Little Prompting...

Today I found myself with a loss for what to write. Nothing seemed significant enough to fill the page. While words are not something I usually run short on, today is different. My heart is heavy. My father in law is in the hospital and has taken a severe turn for the worse. We pray that he is comfortable and knows how much love surrounds him. It is all we can do from so far away. We are so grateful that we could all be together in Florida the week of the wedding, sharing happy and healthy times. I've said it before, but I'll say it again....don't waste the moments you are given. Live in them. Cherish them.

While some would say, just don't write today. I need to. For me it's therapeutic. And heck, it's cheaper than other forms of therapy, right?!
I decided to go to Creativity Portal, a site that gives you prompts to write about each day. A jump start if you will. The prompt was:
One thing you must accomplish today is...
Accomplish? I don't feel like I want to accomplish anything today. I want to climb back under the covers and wake up tomorrow with our world right again. But unfortunately, life doesn't work that way. And there is something I need to accomplish today. I need to be the comfort my husband seeks. To be his strength when he feels weak. To be a shoulder he can cry on. To soothe his heart as it is breaking. To hold him and love him. To be the best wife and best friend I vowed to always be. Yes, I have much to accomplish today.
So when we feel we have nothing we want to write about, we need only look to our heart for the prompting. It was there all along. I merely had to follow it...
enjoy the day,
-dw

The Road to Somewhere

"so I walked around"

2007-02-22T01:18:00.000-05:00

What's the Story?

This is the view from my porch. My goal Saturday was to get to the mailboxes behind the yellow van and drop a number of envelopes into one of them. Pretty dull, eh?
Not for me.

First, I wondered if I was having an acid flashback - what's up with the stripes on the brick? That building doesn't usually look like that.
I went back inside to grab my camera...

And then I saw the car. The blue Volvo station wagon.
Actually, I could smell the car, but at first I thought it was the hospital across the street incinerating body parts and infectious medical waste again.
I was wrong.
It was the car.

Breathing as little as possible, I approached it. A bedraggled young man with a scruffy knapsack was standing a few yards away, waiting for the bus. The smell of cheap wine coming from him was staggering, even at that distance, and combined with the stench coming from the car, it was almost pukabley offensive. With the windows up.

I had to get a pic. This sort of thing isn't quite so unusual (or wasn't, back in my hobo days) in NYC ,San Francisco, the DC area and other places that are far too expensive for most humans- but this is Fallentown. It's getting bad, but rent is still pretty cheap here.
Our local homeless people don't own Volvos, they drive shopping carts.

The last time I saw a car like this , it was a battered old AMC Gremlin and it had luggage , furniture, clothes and other readily identifiable items neatly organized inside- it was clearly a 'domestic' vehicle.
Today's car was full of garbage-literally. Rotting offal.
It's been cold lately- what would this thing be like in summer?
Who drives this mess?
I looked around. No one nearby except the drunk on the corner.

"Don't take my picture," said the winey bus stop buzzard. He didn't seem especially drunk, but the smell was awful...oh, man it's bad when you can drink that much without showing it. I know.

I had no intention of taking wineman's photograph but I had to ask:

"Is this your car?"

"No. I'm waiting for the bus. That guy's fucked up or sumpin'.."

"Really?"

So I walked around the car, peering into the windows , trying to discern whether someone was living in it or if was simply full of refuse.
It was refuse alright, rotting remnants of fast-food meals and crumpled wads of disturbingly brown newspaper... but my question of inhabitation was unanswered.
There was a hairbrush and a desk fan on top of the junk in the driver's seat...why?

I didn't see how one could survive it, much less live in it; then again, there wasn't much at all I understood about this car. Curiosity piqued, I decided to sit on the wall and wait for the owner.
I figured I'd interview the driver and get their story; if they were in a bad way, there are places in town for different sorts of help and I know most of them, or people who do- but my motives weren't altogether altruistic- I was simply curious . Nosy, really. I like to know the story.

Speaking of nose...
Usually , one of my cats joins me when I sit outside, but neither one wanted to come close to the Stenchmobile. After a few minutes, the smell started to bother me. It smelled like a dead cow. Or a corpse. Or a corpse hidden in the hollowed-out body cavity of a dead cow.
Bad.

So I mailed my letters and went inside to see if the Dept. of Health and Sanitation was open on Saturday.
Hmmm...there's a number for abandoned vehicles, but this doesn't qualify. From the looks of it, the owner of this Volvo has abandoned everything but the car and it's contents.

Emergency? Given the freaked-out fear world we live in, I imagined the results of a call to the Hotline reporting a vehicle emitting a noxious odor - they'd probably evacuate the area until a CDC ABC team could scour the entire area, including my apartment.
I could find myself living in my own Volvo.
What do do? Nothing.

A few minutes later it was gone. I didn't hear the engine start or the door open and shut.

It was just gone.

The bricks had returned to normal.

CamelsbackandForth

fish 'n' chips instead

2007-02-20T13:55:00.000-05:00

i've turned into my parents

Whenever my parents went on vacation, they would always seek out the closest Chinatown or an authentic Chinese restaurant. It didn't matter where they went, they would always try to find Chinese food. And once they found it, of course it wouldn't meet up to their standards and they would complain about how the food sucks. What did they expect when the "Chinatown" they would find ended up being only one block?

So now I'm in London and tonight as I was trying to figure out what food I wanted to eat, I had this intense craving for Chinese...good Chinese food. I had gone through all the options in my mind and it always came back to Chinese food. It didn't matter that I had flown all this way and I live in Chinatown back in NY where I can find it around the corner..I just really wanted to get some Chinese food here too. So I walked around and around and didn't find anything. I walked around some more and started to creep myself out since I'm in the financial district and the streets get kind of quiet. Sadly, I gave up my search and ended up having fish 'n' chips instead.

fresh juice

discovered

2007-02-14T00:47:00.000-05:00

I discovered the Pita with Hummus lately. But so far I have it only for breakfast, lunch and dinner. For snacks between meals i just eat hummus with no Pita.

Noam's World

the growing up feeling

2007-02-12T03:03:00.000-05:00

Hunger and Addiction
I m so so hungry rite now. I miss Billy Bombers' spare-ribs with potato salad and also their burgers and also their milkshakes and also their chocolate cake and also their fries and also their salad and also their steaks and also their service and also their staff and also their very-american-restaurant-feeling. Why can't they have a branch here in Malaysia. Why only in Singapore. Oh man...I m so hungry....

I miss Billy Bombers. Personally they are way way way better than TGIF. I got bored with TGIF. I m bored of Italian food, I m bored of Malay food in my university, I don't like sushi anymore because there's once I have to eat like 30 piece within 1 hour (no sushi for me for months to come). I m so so hungry.

I m addicted with the banana cake sold in that lil cake shop. I m so so addicted with banana cake. It taste so good. Reminds me of my childhood (the growing up feeling). I need Billy Bombers and one big piece of banana cake (with or without vanilla ice-cream). And also salsa. *drooling....*

Peeps...

the right light

2007-01-24T12:38:00.000-05:00

mirror mirror

I frown at my face in the mirror. Make-up still looks good in the right light, but increasingly these days I find that foundation accentuates the fine lines around my eyes instead of concealing them. I prefer myself with my glasses on, because actually they hide a multitude of tell-tale signs. The days when I dreamt of laser surgery are long behind me.

Digging out a selection of eye-shadow colours, I proceed by a process of elimination. The dark brown one I should really throw away, it’s too severe, too ageing. The pearly pale colours are too “teenaged”. Which only leaves a nondescript matt beige and a dusky pink. I choose the former, applying it lightly with a brush. Less is more. The last thing I want is to look like I’m trying too hard. My lips, full and pouty, if slightly chapped, respond well to a coating of lip gloss.

I survey the finished product. Not bad, but not quite me either. My mother used to say she felt the same inside at forty as she did when she was eighteen. I don’t feel the same exactly, but whenever I look in the mirror I think I always half hope to see my eighteen-year-old self looking back at me, and can’t help but feel disappointed that she is never there. [...]

petite anglaise

stains in our form room

2007-01-24T02:35:00.000-05:00

today me and sarah stayed back to clean up stains in our form room.
as instructed,we used ethanol to clean up the place (we didnt drink the alchohol!!).it was damn hard to clean the stupid dried paint drops off!! all the rags were torn in the end.LOLs.
then vanny came by with famous amos!!wheeee!!
then we were short of ethanol,so van did the "agumenti" spell(shud i say ethanolmenti?) spell to increase the ethanol(of course it didnt work!opps...vanny'll kill me!).
sarah invented this really cool way of throwing the rags into the dustbin with legs.LOLs.coz we got so sick of cleaning a great nasty drop of paint we finally went to tp interchange after the ethanol bottle pointed at the cupboard(ask van abt this.haha.).
yupp.this is abt it...
bye!

p.s. our hands hurt!!!

...wilber!!...

we went for the slide

2006-12-13T06:16:00.000-05:00

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

damn, i cried when when my brother called that day.
i dont know why but my tears just started to flow out.
i miss him like hell. we miss him.

yesterday went swimming at cck's swimming complex.
with the kids and cousin.
mum, aunt and uncle followed.
frankly, prefer the Jurong East's one.
but too bad, mum doesnt want to go far.
so, we went for the slide.
ahahaa, rather S-L-O-W.
but we did alot of styles in there, trust me.
lil bro started witth the superman stunt.
we followed. ehehe. fun.
we turn ourselves in there.
the wave was quite fun cause
we kept throwing ourselves against every wave that came.
crazy.
we push floats that came our way.
the lazy river is lame. ahaha,seriously.
no offence..
enjoy the slide lah hor although its not the best.
but im kinda sunburned.
we spent 5 freaking hours there.
fun, okay.
then stayed at aunt's house till 11 when dad fetch us.
the kids overnight there.

today, accompany mum deposit money in the bank.
had a scolding cause been spending alot.
ahaha, had our meal at banquet.

im bored.
=(

OH- itsSHARINA lah.

If I only drank more

2006-12-07T19:57:00.000-05:00

Scary Days are Gone Again

Last night I gave my paper for my Sacred Space Seminar for Professor Tony Cutler (his bark is worse than his bite? maybe?). It went well and the three of us who presented went out and got smashingly drunk. I mean, that's really the only way to go about.
Drunk that night (by moi):
"Original Sin"
2 Jack and Cokes
1 Woodchuck
1 Blue Moon
And yea - I was totally fine this morning! If only I drank more, my powers of avoiding hangovers would be more handy!

Slice of Mel

since i have no money

2006-12-06T18:45:00.000-05:00

Why I Want to Work...

I guess for the most part it has been a good week. I have gone to work twice this week. So far I have gone to Curves twice and I plan to go tomorrow. I have even increased my work out while I am there. I still don't do a full routine but I am hoping that by Christmas I am up to standard. I am slowly getting accustomed to the cold.

On the other hand I am quite bored. I try to do a lot in the day but there is still a limit to how much activity I can handle. I am not sure what to do with my time. I can only clean so much and then I get bored with it. I can't go driving a lot. I can drive to get things that I need but that is the extent of it. I get too dizzy if I drive too much. Plus I don't have money, so that kind of defeats the purpose of going anywhere. Which brings me to the title of this post. If there is one thing that I wish could be like it was a year ago I wish that I could work full time. Since I have no money I feel like I have no say in things. I am sure that I do have a say but I limit myself because I feel that I don't have the right to. In my head and in my past money has always been a big issue and it was a deciding factor a lot of the time on who made the decisions. So this is sometimes how I feel. So I wish I could change that so that I could feel like I had some power, or I wish I could change the years of conditioning.

Since Doug has started work I have become so bored. I never realized how just having someone occupy the same space makes life less boring. So again I have nothing else to do, especially once the chores are done, but to think about my situation. Am I happy? Yes to be alive. But there is more to life then merely existing. I enjoy it when I am at work. I am around people. I am being productive and useful to society. I am earning my living.

Well in other news I got my flu shot. My arm is already sore. Hopefully I don't feel too tired over the next few days. I know it doesn't make you sick but you can still feel tired. I am doing well in terms of energy and I want to keep that up.

The Christina Files

much needed trip

2006-12-05T11:49:00.000-05:00

There are remarkable personal tales on this woman's blog. She helps cats.

San Diego, My Sunglasses are Ready

I have an offer. Someone lost their cat in Oregon. If I find and trap that cat, I get a plane trip, with cat, to San Diego. I am so in need of this, although, I'm not sure what I would do once there, since I have no money.

But, nonetheless, I am after that cat and the trip to San Diego. Please, please, God In Heaven, don't let that cat have been eaten by coyote or off leash dog yet. Please allow me to find and trap her and get myself a much needed trip out of town to the exotic city of San Diego.

I have polished my Dollar Store sunglasses. I am ready.

Cat Eyes

its not happening like that

2006-12-04T22:41:00.000-05:00

I'm on a kick with these posts connected by phrases. The following I found rather touching, and as universal a post as I could imagine. But, hey, I'm sentimental like that.

Nothin But Blue

I knew it was coming. But nothing could prepare me for the shock of finding it to be real.
I met up with Kioko at the Ditch. And the talk we had didn't go well. She ended up leaving me standing there while she drove off. With nothing to go on but that she thought things were really 'that bad' between us. I stayed away that night. Stayed away from home. But that talk was late...and I ended up begging Brian to let me stay in his hotel room around 4:30am. He was nice enough to let me, but I think he was a little irritated. I think he thinks I'm handling this in a very immature way. Either way, I needed his help last night, but couldn't make myself go to him. I ended up getting myself drunk at the MT...and then Kat showed up.
I think we ended up having a bit of a fight, too. Something about her understanding how I feel, but I think she had trouble listening to it. Anyway, in the end, we walked away smiling at each other...but I think there's more to this than I can really deal with right now. I think she understands that.
What I don't understand is...how did I end up breaking up with Kioko? How did this happen? All I wanted was for her to see how I felt about being left out of everything. And she wanted me to see... Well, I don't know. I think I do, but not everything. I know she was upset that I let her do it all and didn't go constantly calling her cell phone, begging her for information. I thought I was doing the right thing! I thought she'd appreciate being left alone to do that on her own.
And then today... Brian and Roger dragged me to the Ditch, saying I needed to relax and let things go. And the minute we stepped in, there was Kioko, with Azami and some girl named Amaya. She looks so much like Kioko. It's...very unnerving... I can't even begin to describe the events, so strange was everything, but I guess it turned out okay. There was even a time when I was able to get close to Kioko... It was hard. So very hard. I had my hand on her shoulder, and expected her to push me away...but she didn't. In fact, her hand was on mine! And...we were okay there next to each other. As if...it had just been a very bad day for us both and we could go home, talk it out, make love, and start fresh tomorrow...
But...it's not happening like that. I'm not going home to her. I'm not spending the night holding her. And I have no hope of it happening again any time soon. Ever. All I want is to go home and tell her I'm sorry. I'm sorry and I didn't mean to walk away, to drive off and leave her there alone. That I should have tried harder to fight for a place in all she was working on.
Now, all I feel is cold...and pain. Everything hurts. I feel pain I've never known before. I feel... And I don't want to feel. I don't want to feel pain, cold, warmth, anything. I don't want to feel my love for her anymore because it hurts so much. I want to shut down everything and never let it open up again. The more I think about it, the more I think I'd be better off never allowing myself to feel anything...ever...
If you don't feel, you don't get hurt. But...
Kioko... I love you. I miss you. I...want to reach out and touch you, see you smile at me. I love you, and... I always will. But I can't even tell you that because I don't think you'd believe me. But I do love you.......

Nothin But Blue

extra careful of what I say

2006-12-04T11:00:00.000-05:00

Again, I picked up this one by way of the previous post.

I'm not going to change

I'm not changing myself for you, i'm tired of having to feel like i have to be extra careful of what i say or how i say it so i don't make you mad,i try to be extra nice to you, but i'm no longer going to do that i like you so much your my boyfriend and i want us to work but this, controling, i gotta be the man, you do what i say attuide. man it was funny at first even kinda cute but no it's not happening anymore. I won't change myself for you, we don't do stuff when you want to we don't talk when you want to, it's not happening like that. I know how you are and i can respect that but you won't disrespect me anymore, when i talk to you listen and you answer me when i ask you a question, I ain't playin your games. i want you but i don't mean you.

Tryin' to keep it together

"if I look away"

2006-12-03T16:18:00.000-05:00

Editor's Note: Hypertext became a household word in the 90s, when the net was first exampling the way information was related and texts engaged; basically, hypertext is the world wide web. Now, since I'm interested in (personal) narratives fed through blogs, I took the simple task of lifting a phrase from the previous post---the title of this post---and putting it through the Blogger search engine. What follows is a post that matched and, interestingly, its 'meaning' or its story is worth considering in relation to the previous post, which of course provided the means to access it in the first place. I imagine I'll do this once in a while; tenatively, I'll call this hyperblogging or hyperposting, though perhaps I'll find this tagging pretentious and unnecessary.

if i look away that doesnt mean i dont see

its been a long week and a half...

im tired of people who think they know me. who think they know what i mean, or what i say. im tired of people who just try to create drama. im tired of people who dont listen. and im tired of people who dont trust me. im tired of people who think they know what i say, or what i mean, then they spread it around and it ends up not being anything like what i meant. i am the only one who knows what i mean. if you ask me i'll tell you. but if you dont trust me that wont do you much good, now will it?

im tired of feeling guilty. im tired of apologizing. because apparantly what other people say is right, and im just a liar.

im tired of always being the one thats wrong. of always being the one who puts up with so much crap and gets nothing in return. if i will go through all the time of apologizing and trying to make it better, id atleast expect to be trusted.

now i have to be extra careful of what i say. because the next thing i know everyone will have heard about it.

i wont give up until you do. but theres only so much i can do

Deborah!

what he meant

2006-12-03T15:58:00.000-05:00

Reminder

I am the hardest person you will ever meet. Behind my soft and curvy appearance, behind my smiling visage and witty commentary, behind even my willingness to serve and my weeping over living things and the weather, there is a hard and resolute core. And you know it already. You know it because of the way I will look directly into your eyes, and if I look away it is because I have already seen more than you have wanted me to.

*

Yesterday someone I have known for a very long time described me as a very private person. What an odd thing to say, I thought, given that so much of my life has been conducted in the public eye, and given that I am so well known for saying exactly what I think. But that does not mean I say everything I think. And perhaps that is what he meant.

But if there is a space behind my words, I would think that space might be discerned, since it is so similar to the space those words occupy, only bigger and deeper.

Outer Sanctum

decent living

2006-11-30T12:31:00.000-05:00

Editor's Note: As people get by, or as they make investments and accrue capital, there's always interesting stories and turns of phrases to help them along.

The Times, They Done Changed

Today I went with my friend Lorie to the lawyer's office to finalize the sale of my old house in Alto Pass. It's a relief to be done, but I guess I'm a little sad, too. I raised my kids there, and it has a lot of memories for me. But now at least I'm half the real estate mogul I was when I woke up this morning. Yay!

That's one less thing on my plate, and that frees up some energy to obsess about other things. Oh...and Lorie said she and Frank are thinking about building hunter's cabins out on their land out by my mom's. Hunter's cabins??? That wouldn't work for me on so many levels. I don't much like people, I don't like hunters at all, and I'm not the slightest bit interested in cleaning up after drunken bozos who come down from Chicago for a weekend of drinkin' and shootin' at shit.

Still, she thinks it might generate $100,000 a year for them, and she's ready to deal with the bozos if it'll mean a decent living. She's a brave woman.

Nowhere, IL

one of those moods

2006-11-10T13:32:00.001-05:00

Hi baby, here I sit at my computer screen remembering our earlier telephone conversation today. All day long you have been in my thoughts. Gosh, I wished I had you here lying next to me. After finally getting some relief physically, and having a nice dinner, a few glasses of wine, and a nice, hot relaxing bath, I feel sooo much better ... and wouldn’t you know I’d be thinking about you ? It is thundering and lightning here really bad, but the rain has only been erratic and just a fine mist. I know it won’t be long until it’s a downpour, and much like the rain drowning the ground, I wished we were drowning ourselves in one another. Just in one of those moods ...

Did I ever tell you ? (smiling) ... that my heart smiles at the sound of your voice? I love your voice; it soothes me ... and while I’m at it ... Did you know that the sound of your slow, rhythmic breathing brings to me an inner peace and relaxation when I’m next to you? Well, if I haven’t told you lately how genuine my love and affection is for you ... well then ... you know, sometimes, mere words fail to express feelings.

As I lie here, my mind wanders, and my body warms with desire as I long to feel you touch me. I fantasize of you, baby, of pleasing you, of being with you. I recall the tenderness with which yours hands caress my skin, and the intensity with which it can inflict a sting. Your gentle loving touch enhanced by the power of your sting tells me that I am yours, whenever, wherever, and however you need me, baby. All that I am, I submit to you. I desire you, need you, want you.

~The Trenchcoat Chronicles~

one of those moods

2006-11-10T13:32:00.000-05:00

then wash

2006-11-08T12:56:00.000-05:00

Works For Me Wednesday

This is my first time to participate so I don't know if I'm doing this right, but here goes....

My Works for Me Wednesday tip is to add a couple of tablespoons of washing powder (laundry detergent) and some hot water to saucepans with stubborn cooked-on food stains, leave for a few hours and then wash - it comes up so clean every time for me.

Labels: Works for me Wednesday

An Englishwoman's Home is Her Castlebe displayed on page

where i cannot afford to go anymore

2006-10-25T03:49:00.000-04:00

.sliding doors.

when you are nice and good, dun expect a 'sold out' concert. and tts cause you are a complete sellout! a complete disgrace to yourself, myself and the selfish self of yours.

multi-tasking used to incorporate journeys back and forth to the gates of babylon. gates which occasionally (i can never get this word right) move from place to place and whenever the fires of sin poo-poos on you. then comes one day, when the ticket to penance and apologies cause you about 700 bucks and half of it was just bleeding airport tax to have the damn dogs sniff on your after 5 hours, you decide to hit the sack. hit the sack on your head and tell yrself "oy! wake up and smell the rancid stench of idiocy".

its so hard to achieve the right balance to the garden of good and evil. but im beginning to see that this imbalance IS the well-balaced diet. if so, then i am your no.1 wholesome wench!

a wench who walked straight into the door sometimes. pple think that what lies in the other world is just a social debauchery. but as i sit here and think about the places ive been to and where i cannot afford to go anymore, i find that i need that sliding door. in some ways if not all of it. you have to exercise humility and learn to be humble. you have to see ppl living with less to put up with more than you asked for. you need the non-existence of beautifully strung words just to appreciate a simple handshake or a punch in the face. everybody boast of the sins they have committed. they yakked thru the wee hours of the morn trying to compete for the post of Satan's P.A. when one claims to have seen the gates of babylon, the other upped with another lame claim to shame. so what if you have done all that. cause it takes one to know the real thing. if you have been to babylon, take it from me, you wont be sitting around like a bunch of babies trying to compare who is worse.

so dont come to me and tell me how bad you are. or about the bad things you have done.
if you know whats best for you, pple in babylon NEVER reveal their bad. and pple in babylon, do not spend as much as time as OTHERS in bitching about things n pple they hardly know.

.wired.for.sound.

I feel so alienated

2006-10-19T18:07:00.000-04:00

feeling inspired lately. inspired and quite lonely to be honest. been listening to simon & garfunkel non stop. takes the mind off of the hard stuff. going through a seroius decision right now in life. side lines always seem so far away sometimes. but thats the best way to describe myself lately. i'm so far away. i feel like i'm watching myself go through the days, routine has settled.

scott came to visit for a few days. it was amazing as always. i just can't seem to quit him. i'm trying to come to terms with the fact that i might not have to afterall. the things we do for love always amaze me. my heartstrings are being pulled faster and harder with every phone call. there is no place i'd rather be than anywhere with you. like i told you, in pieces is my state when your'e away. but you're always away. i hope not forever, and my hopes are high.

so as i said my days are mostly spent alone. work, sleeping, sleeping so i dont have to be alone. the cold weather makes me want to listen to music more. i stopped for a while, on the train or while walking around. we figured out how to get onto our fire escape so i've been spending nice moments with nikki out there lately. tried the new pizza place down the street and it's pretty good. going to try and go to the farm sometime next weekend to clear my head. not sure though. i wish i could go someplace like that alone, but... i dont have one of my own yet. going to an upright citizens brigade show this weekend with dt. i'm excited i guess its the funnies thiing in the world. it'll be good to go out too, and do something thats not drinking. tried all day to figure out how to add songs to my ipod from micha's computer. anyone know? i'm in mix mode, and i'm dying to make some. i finally got health insurance. thank you grey dog :) eliana was in the hospital again because she had another fit. i hope she's ok. i havent called amy. i dont know why i do that. i just dont call anyone. i'm not used to it i guess. i realized that i have one more push left with my mother, family. if i get into school then i'm going to ask her for help finanically so that i can live in carroll gardens or ft greene. i need to be in a pleasant neighborhood if i'm going to stay sane with work and school. and if i can make it happen then i will. but if she decides what i'm afraid she does, then i dont know what i'll do. i dont know if i can ever love her. i wish i could so bad. i mean... its my damn mother, and i should love her no matter what, at least a little bit. i dont think i've ever felt that. when i think of her, i dont get any good feelings. i nearly always resent her. i'm afraid that eventually i'm just going to cut all ties with my family. i feel so alienated with them. we're too different. i dont feel like i belong with them. never have really, though. so why now? why not? what do i have to loose. nothing, because they've never given me anything. been freaking out a lot lately about that kind of stuff. silly thoughts run through my head and i can't seem to control myself. while working a few weeks ago someone told me that my dad was on the phone, and i swear my heart stopped. then i realized it was just my boss calling to check up on all of us. i guess people like to call him my dad. what if he did find me? what if he did contact me, what if he cared enough to even try. what would i do? what would i do if he came back into my life. i dont think he ever will. if he dies, i probably wont find out till weeks after. my brothers mom called me about a month ago and i cant call her back. i just can't get myself to. i dont think anyone knows how much ray has affected me. if they did they probably woudlnt belive me anyways. but anywho, then i got to thinking... what if ray was still around. what if i became close to him just like i did with cecily, and he called me every now and then, and we spoke. what if i had a real big brother. the thought brings me to tears on impact. what if i had a male figure who cared unconditionally. relationships and friendships are different. as i've learned lately friendships that you think are unconditional and forever don't last nearly as long as you think. and relationships, well we all know about those. but family, family is different. family is always there and what if he was still here? these are all just silly thoughts that have been running through my mind lately. i get down on myself for being so down and dwelling on issues that have plagued me for so long, but then i realize something far more important. at least i'm still thinking of him. he's still remembered, and thats what we all hope for when our time is up, isn't it? to be remembered by people who you loved and who will love you till their time is up too. my dad too i guess, at least i know he's still out there somewhere. he may not be in my life but he's a always been a big part of it. my faded memories have always been something that i took pride in. my moments with my dad. i'm probalby exactly like him anyways. it's funny... sometimes i actually miss him. i miss being daddy's girl. i miss being the only one who mattered in the whole world. the only one that had his heart. shast.

and thats where it ends.
therethere

We talked around in circles.

2006-10-18T13:46:00.000-04:00

Rationality oozed...

We were opposites. Our personalities – poles apart. Don’t tell me everyone is different. We were as different as different could be. Still, we befriended each other very quickly. And within a month, we became confidantes. An attraction developed. I’m not sure if it came from within or it was just natural. Nevertheless, the attraction prevailed and soon we talked. And, we proceeded to fall head over heels in love or was it pretension?

The image that I projected was not untrue. The truth was simply edited. I didn’t want to wash my dirty linen in public. Wasn’t it the politically correct thing to do?

I always talked about the good times.
What I never talked about were the painful times. I didn’t discuss it with my friends and kept it inside me.

I always given her credit for being supportive.
What I never talked about were the times that she was extremely judgemental. I always justified it and tried to change myself.

I always talked about how she understood me.
What I never talked about was how I explained myself to her repeatedly. I explained every thought, every action and every harmless whim of mine until she showed an iota of understanding.

I always talked about how good a person she was.
What I never talked about was how she indicated that I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t blame her. We were just brought up in different ways with different expectations.

When we went through rough times, I just told myself - “Of course we’ll work it out. After all – it’s US!”

We didn’t talk about our expectations from each other. We didn’t discuss our insecurities. And we always behaved politically correct – even with each other. That’s how we worked it out. I guess it was too early to discuss our expectations. I guess I always hoped the insecurities to fade away. As for being politically correct – I always thought that was the “right” thing to do.

"No relationship is perfect", I always told myself. "There's always a great deal of compromise."

I wasn’t strong enough to face the cold, hard facts. I couldn’t face being alone. I had grown accustomed to her. I was afraid that the ‘break-up’ would mean that I’d also lose the friend I had found in her. Even though all the odds were against us, I stuck on.

It wasn’t the distance that made us grow apart. That’s an easy excuse. We grew apart because we were different.

There were times that we just had to speak our minds shamelessly. At times I just needed to vent and wished that someone would “get me” without my paraphrasing every detail. The emails started growing shorter and slowly waned. At times I edited ‘cuz I was afraid she’d judge me. At times, I felt she wouldn’t care for the things I’d write so passionately about.

I justified and euphemized. It was just a phase. We were going to be together again very soon. We’d work out all our differences then.

I always talked about how we attracted as opposites. What I never talked about was how her respect for my differences started to dwindle.

But, when it was time to make concrete decisions, everything exploded. All the years of holding back finally ruptured. Expectations and assumptions were voiced. The blame – passed back and forth. We talked around in circles. I remember it as the single most agonizing and depressing time of my life. We decided that it couldn’t go on anymore.

It had been plain foolish to assume that we’d overcome every obstacle.

“Didn’t you think of these issues before?” I asked. There were times we did. But, neither of us could get ourselves to say the words.

I wish I had – I’d have saved myself a lot of pain. But, in a way I’m also glad I didn’t – I’d have missed out on a lot of happy times.

When that relationship was officially over – I felt sad and lost. My heart wrenched in pain. But, I finally felt like I could be myself again. I felt a sense of freedom, a sense of relief. I know it doesn’t sound very polite. But, I have found the strength to not be politically correct about it anymore.

Its okay not to be politically correct...

Teens to Toons

huge and general

2006-10-16T13:11:00.000-04:00

Flash

I need this post so badly --

Thus i am so determined to delay my sleep a bit later. Just now during my night ritual (brushing teeth, gargle and flossed and facial wash) the meeting with my supervisor flashing inside my head.

Him: "Are you sure. you want to do this?"
Me: "Yes! 100%"
Him: "I dont want you to get frustrated halfway, doing something not at your heart"
Me: "Yes! I am sure, I want to do this. I like the topic"
Him: "I count on you"

Suddenly, i felt the burden so huge and massive. I hope it is still bearable and I can cope with it. Then the topic was confirmed. I will do tactile sensing + related to slip sensing for the prosthetic hand. I dont have any topic in specified but more or less, the research will be about sensor, modeling and developed. It is huge and general topic, need to set my own bench marking - so that i will be up to standard. Insyaallah.....

The journey begin........

And so does my love life.. i am willing to give my heart and my soul to him, try my best to be his woman. May luck be on my side.....AMIN

Searching AKU n DIA

quit even looking like you're going

2006-10-14T04:44:00.000-04:00

not about a guy

oh blast. since i got my mac, all the cool new things i could do on my blog when making a post have vanished. i heard/saw this song tonight and it reminded me of me, go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IivEo_mSsgk

to look at it.
i know people like romance, but you people- you're not going to hear any of that from me for a while. so quit asking.
quit even looking like you're going to ask because i know what you're thinking before you even say it.

i'm feeling kinda pressured to say something significant which is why i'm going to say nothing more.

uncovering

I'm Rick James

2006-10-13T14:45:00.000-04:00

TBM Fuckers

Note: TBM stands for, amongst other things, True Believing Mormon, True Blue Mormon, or True Brainwashed Mormon; thank you wikipedia

I'm Rick James . . . BITCH! Stop draggin me down you TBM Fuckers. I'm ok with who I am. Why is light mindedness, loud laughter, and cussing so much fucking fun? Why is watching South Park, The Chapelle Show and the Mind of Mencia so . . . Awesome (done in an Eric Cartman voice)? What is it about losing all of your guilt and just being human that makes life so damn interesting?

I've got a bunch of TBM Fuckers who keep asking me if I'm happier now than when I was a TBM sheeple just like them. I know it's a trap, but unlike most TBM's, I force myself to be honest with myself and with others. My answer for now is a resounding NO! It's hard to say you are Happier when you're entire universe has shifted. That does not mean that I am not just as happy as I was before. Who defines happiness any way? Stupid TBM Fuckers.

Does it really matter if you are happier now than when you were as a TBM? Was I really ever so happy with life that I couldn't contain myself? Did I ever truly feel that true happiness was only to be found by living the "Gospel"? Whether a TBM or Exmo, I've found that I still find and feel happiness when eating an ice cream cone. I still feel happy when my wife is smiling at me and not bitching at me. I still feel happy when my kids get excited over ordering pizza. What the fuck is "Lasting/True Happiness"? None of those TBM fuckers know, they just think they know.

Why do I love saying TBM Fuckers? Is it as funny to you as it is to me? Stupid TBM Fuckers.

Fuck em all. I'm Rick James . . . BITCH!

Simeon's Peep Stone

capital letters

2006-10-12T21:31:00.000-04:00

32: Tom gets upset:

Tim refuses to accept the fact that we only use a capital letter at the beginning of our name. He wants to just throw in random capital letters. I will not allow this.

One day he kept making capital letters and arguing with me about it, so I took away his writing journal and his pencil. Needless to say, he got violently angry. He threw shit all over the place while calling me a "crack head bitch."

Tard-Blog

fresh produce

2006-10-07T20:25:00.000-04:00

A week of exploring Provence and I feel all the stress of my life slip off my shoulders. Freedom from all the mistakes of the past and all those who know me refreshes my spirit. I have seen so much history in my travels and seen technology integrate with the past. I envy the villagers in these small towns with the beautiful local markets and fresh produce. The simplicity of life in these towns, the slow pace, the sense of community. It is hard for me to imagine a life like this back in the States. My trip was only supposed to last two weeks, but I can't tear myself away. I have requested a leave of absence from work and I have found a villa to move into. The remainder of the fall and the winter in France....New adventures are sure to abound.

Dreaming in Reality

indirect surveillance

2006-10-04T12:55:00.000-04:00

Gratitude List
It makes me sad that I haven't been able to appreciate any of my good qualities during the illness, during my youth. I love my hair because it reflects red glints in the sun or whenever light shines on it, and it has a beautiful texture and slight wave, even though it's STILL falling out in handfalls because of the medication.

Plus, I'm pretty attractive, in the sense that matters to me (anyone looking for a petite, busty blonde is out of luck, fortunately). I think I have classical features and lines and I like that very much. I think I'm very attractive, and I like that. I'm grateful for it. I don't want to take it for granted and I do want to enjoy it while I still have it. There's really no point dressing up around here, though. There's no one to impress around here, and I'm usually too tired/in too much of a rush to dress up for the heck of it. That was a pre-illness luxury I no longer have. Plus, I'm really smart and my teachers like that. I'm a good thinker and I'm multi-faceted. I'm very lucky to be me, and I know it.
[hi chara--i do like it when you read my blog, because it means a lot to know that you're interested. at the same time, though, it's a little awkward because i don't understand your intentions--you want me to leave you alone and yet you still read my blog...? it's unfair for one of us to have access to the other person's life and not the other way around. i don't like it, which is why i basically said either contact me directly, or stop reading my blog. if you want to work things out, let's do that, but no more of this indirect surveillance stuff.]

Sunrise, Sunset

evil little feet

2006-10-03T13:26:00.000-04:00

Fear factors
Darkness and silence, together. Its like the whole world is asleep and everything is left to the imagination and in my case the possibilities are horrific. No i am not six years old. But I am an adult with an overactive, possibly paranoid imagination. For the life of me i cannot face my fears! i have tried but its way too unpleasant to bear. I think i could jump off a top of a waterfall to a watery rocky depth even, or look down a barrel of a gun pointed at me or any other given horrific circumstance in BROAD DAYLIGHT. Its just the night time or the darkness that freaks me out. Not darkness alone, rather me alone in the darkness. Think i might be pretty brave amongst other ppl. But when I am alone what i cant see, i am afraid of. Its utterly dumb But there it is. No matter how much of rational thinking i do at such a time to calm myself it doesnt change my stubborn mind....imaginations runs wild on its own evil little feet.

So what goes on in my mind when the lights go off??

...no cant discuss this now. its night time and i dont want to freak myself out (its starting already). I am TRYING to rid my mind of all thoughts spooky and frightening.....reeeally hard. hm maybe its some sort of a syndrome...

to be cont'd

Dream on Dreamer, life gets in the way

tht trust

2006-10-02T16:04:00.000-04:00

ive anticipate it to happen soon. i dint know it happen so soon.
on my way back hm, wild thoughts run through my head....
' what if she (as in any of my friends tht knew the story) tell someone close to him?'
i dint even tell minah abt his story. the only mutual friend who knew his story was Mat.
n Mat knew it from his girl, not from him.
i realise how much trust he had in me.
i felt as tho i betrayed tht trust.

im a total complete loser.
i lost a losing battle.

what makes it worst is..........
my exam week just started. n tdy is my first paper.

i dont know what else to do

;time to rock 'n' roll%

babbling here

2006-07-31T02:14:00.000-04:00

heavy rain

yes.. it's 5am... i'm fasting today, so woke up early for my sahur....n it's raing damn heavily....

i had enuf of pleasing ppl coz i hve been doing that alomost my whole life n it suckz... need to change... aniway, i also had enuf of something really irritating... ppl having wrong impressions on me... haiz... they only see my looks... aper nk buat... it's ok if u ppl dun understand what i babbling here....

so ytd, had kompang prac for the 5aug show NDD at bt batok... then we jammed for a while n something happened to me at the coffee shop at cc... that uncle is so troublesome... then jammed a bit more n went to woodlands to celebrate fir's belated birthday...we bought him some items before heading to his house.... we really made a havock at his house... goyang habis... we left arnd almost 9pm... the rest aik 187 n me n yanto took 963 home... kecoh ah...

k, i want to use the toilet n then go back to sleep...

Life of a Complete Stranger

tell her

2006-07-25T16:54:00.000-04:00

K so I've decided.
These are my options.

1) I send her this blog.
2) I go see her somewhere and tell her and then wait for what she has to say.
3) I go see her somewhere and just say 'I'm in love with you' and then run away.
4) I never tell her and feel like a twat.

I just can't handle it anymore so I'm going to have to tell her.

My Secrets.

get sassy

2006-07-16T13:27:00.000-04:00

this seating reserved for handicapped passengers and chubby chicks

Lately, people (well, foreigners and tiny Asians) have been offering me seats on the subway, and as far as I can tell, it's because they think I'm pregnant. (It usually happens when I'm wearing an empire-waist top.)

Now, here's the thing: I had a lot of time to think about this on today's train ride, after some Dutch lady asked if I wanted to sit, and at first I was just wondering why people are like, "Oh, that sucks," when I tell them about total strangers thinking I'm pregnant, because, hey, free subway seat! Who doesn't want a free subway seat?

So, since everything I know, I learned from the movies, I started thinking about movies. In movies, charmingly awkward male stars (usually Hugh Grant) often happen upon a fat woman (usually that one black actress) and assume she is pregnant, and are charmingly awkward when she is, (a) not pregnant, and (b) also really sassy about being not pregnant. (See: Two Weeks' Notice.) But why does the fat woman get so sassy? (I mean, besides the fact that sassy is that actress's thing.) The joke works because the underlying assumption that being called pregnant = being called fat, but if you think about it, that actress is fat. And she should really know that. So what is there to get sassy about?

And then it gets really confusing, because pregnant isn't fat. So the joke doesn't even work, to begin with, and also people on the subway are really stupid, because I am obviously fat, and not pregnant. I am not a normal-sized person with a disproportionately large stomach. I am a fat-sized person with a proportionately large stomach. And it's not even a solid, round, pregnant-looking stomach. It's a muffin top. That should be a clue. Also: the double chin, chubby arms, and complete lack of any visible bones.

Anyway, in conclusion, I'm now kind of offended on behalf of pregnant women, because apparently people assume they (a) are fat, and (b) have lost the ability to remain upright in a moving vehicle.

adventures in editorial

random people

2006-07-07T04:08:00.000-04:00

Editor's Note: Appropriately, this is the 100th post.

I find...

...random people commenting on my blog just downright weird.

Eh, whatever...

she didn't blame me

2006-07-04T14:21:00.000-04:00

Editor's Note: 26/7 refers to July 26 2005; the day monsoon rains produced a historic flood in Mumbai and other parts of Southern India. For the past few days the rains of 2006 have proved to be just as unforgiving. The first blog takes us back a month. The second brings us to today. The third and final gives us a special perspective on last year's deluge.

Days When Mumbai Could Flood!!!
Published 1 month ago in Random.

Monsoon is already here in Mumbai a full 10 days before than normal. Its for the first time ( I think so) that monsoon showers are here in May itself. None the less the weather is now very pleasant 25oC from the scorching 33oC. Hope the reduced temperature and showers only revitalizes the anti-reservation protests.

But the first monsoon showers has already exposed that the civic bodies haven’t done their cleanup job properly that caused the 26/7 Mumbai deluge last year. Even though the situation is much better than it was last year, most of us are thinking is not “Will Mumbai Flood Again?” but “When Will Mumbai Again?”, but everyone is hopefully that 26/7 will not happen ever again.

The answer to that question might be the following days when there will be huge tides (tide heights will exceed 4.5 m) and if it rained like 26/7 last year Mumbai will be doomed again and no matter how much work is put in no one can do anything about it. The reason being that the drainage system only work during low tides. (This is applicable to all costal cities all across the globe.)

Muchhala's World

**

Rainy day out (4th July 2006)

Yesterday I got stuck up in local train. It is raining heavily in Mumbai now. I reside at Kalyan, 50 km away from Mumbai.

The day started out like anyother day. I got the Sinhagad Express at Kalyan and having fun with friends (Ya! You read correctly, we really do have fun in train). When the train reached outskirts of Mumbai, heavy flood welcomed us. Suddenly there were water all around us.

All the tracks were submerged. Then gradually train halted near Ghatkopar Station. I was worrying about my wife. When I called her up on her cell, I was glad to hear that she was in the next train. I asked her get off the train and come to Ghatkopar Station. But...

As usual she denied and said she will wait for few hours. Gosh! Can you believe it. She was ready to wait for hours. And Yes ! She called after one and half hour and asked me "Should I join you at Ghatkopar Station?"

Hey ! What did I told you one and half hour before? (I don't have guts to say these words. Lines in blue are the muttering going on in my mind. I just never ever point out mistakes of my wife. Talking about secret of Happy Marriage.)

We went to Ghatkopar (West) and my wife asked me for movie. God is Great ! What is this ? Am I on date or something ? Good begining for great mansoon outing. Without further delay I took her to nearest theater and we saw "Krish". Nice mixture of some hollywood movies.

After that we met my In-Laws. I love my mother-in-law. She is great. We chatted for half an hour and started our return journey. We were lucky. We reached safely at our place.

So what is great about today? What I like most is without any fight we managed to spend a day. And I loved the closeness, this is something that I miss very much.

And the most important thing..... She didn't blame me for the heavy raining and the flood thereafter. ;)

Jo Dil ne Kaha

**

Rain, rain... go to spain

Another year and another monsoon. Mumbai suddenly seems like its inching back to 26th July 2005. This time around I am home and dry. Not very fair, but I get to reminisce about last year while sipping my chai and munching on ‘kande bhaji’ while people out there wade through knee deep muck.

This time last year was my last month of internship at the Sir J.J. Group of Hospitals, Byculla. I was looking forward to the end of 48-hour duties, looking forward to sleeping six hours a night and most importantly looking forward to getting out of what was then a thoroughly depressing place (nostalgia now has given different shades to JJ).
My last internship posting was Gynaecology and Obstetrics at Cama and Albless Women’s and Children’s Hospital, Dhobi Talao(next to Xavier’s for those who don’t know). Never enjoyed OB/GY…

I was off call on the 26th and had gone to JJ hospital, helped a friend out with her ward work and finally managed to get home early next morning after wading through waist deep water and hitching a ride in a rickety police van.

We realised the true proportions of the tragedy slowly as news kept trickling in. Friends were spending nights in their offices, people had died in their cars, and people had died in the slums…

On the 27th a friend and me approached the Superintendent of the St. George’s hospital (part of the JJ group, situated behind CST station) with a plan. We told him that if he could give us one ambulance and some supplies we could gather a bunch our colleagues and try and get some medical aid to people stranded in the rains. We were almost laughed out of his office; he had a couple of flunkies with him who wondered aloud as to who these knights were rushing to the aid of.

Chastened, we went back to work. But in two days, after public outrage and non-stop media reports, the superintendent and his masters in the Government of Maharashtra were singing to a different tune altogether. They set up two camps at Churchgate and CST stations providing medical aid. But this of course in true government style was too little, too late, and far away from where help was actually required.

On the 31st of July I was put in charge of a team of five of my co-interns and was asked to get to Dahisar, where we were to help the BMC conduct health camps in affected areas. It was still raining but we managed to reach the BMC ward office. Our superiors at JJ had told us that we only had to report for duty, the BMC had supplies and an action plan ready.

What follows is what happened next[...]

Salsette Creek

Everyone looks happy

2006-07-03T14:08:00.000-04:00

It looks like I've been neglecting this blog....wait it doesn't look like it, it's a fact, I HAVE neglected this blog.
I can't believe how long it's been since I've been here....yes, and whether I've taken the time to blog or not, life has continued on....some drama along the way and for appearances sake it looks like things are fine. If you were looking in from the outside you would say we are a very happy family, we take family trips together, we support and watch each other at sporting events, we go to church together. Everyone looks happy....and I, for the most part, think we are.

But....(isn't there always a but) right now there is that big old elephant in the room, staring me down and I can't seem to get rid of him. There are times he seems to fade away and I like it when that happens...I prefer to keep things running smoothly....no conflicts, no issues but he's back in the room and I'm not sure he's going away.
What is the 'elephant in the room'?
The elephant in the room seems to be the issues and problems my husband and I have in our marriage. There are some things that happened over the past 4 years or so and I have had a hard time letting it go. I'm holding on to a lot of resentment and anger about it and it has really started to take a toll on our relationship. I've tried to let it go...tried to ignore it, which isn't the best way to deal with it I'm sure and now our realationship has really suffered. It's probably time to deal with it and I wish I knew how.
How do I get over my resentment? How do I get over feeling hurt and decieved even when he's apologized and tried to make things right?

The Other Side of Me

I watched the sidewalk

2006-06-27T16:00:00.000-04:00

SF mem 4
I still had birkenstocks. We were on Valencia for some reason. I stepped on a humongous pile of shit--like horse-size but fresh-dog-poo consistency--maybe one of those horse-dog hybrids. When I stepped in it, I slid about a foot on the worn out sole of my birkenstock. I said wooooohhh as I slid and regained my footing. I scraped that shit like a spatula on frosting and it came that close to coming over the brim of the cork foot bed and smearing my toes. Forever after I watched the sidewalk and discovered all the stencils spraypainted on the pavement.

The Whirling Mechanism

Sunday

2006-06-27T15:12:00.000-04:00

Sunday began by cooking breakfast and having some coffee. Friend had to run to her football game so we had to get her fueled and ready to go. After she left, I relaxed with some coffee and then embarked on my biggest hike since living here. My plan was to hike up lookout mountain via the mountain bike trails, and then run down the scenic road that descends into Golden. I took Duke with me and like always, he was pulling me up the mountain like a crazy dog. As we approached the top, Duke was beginning to fade on me and I was realizing that the trail didn't intersect with the road that I planned on running down so we ended up just running back down the same way we went up. It was a picture perfect Colorado day and the round trip ended up taking us 2 hours. When we made it home, Duke collapsed in a pile of tired dog and laid on the sofa, completely tired.

No rest for the weery as I showered and took off to meet friend after her football games. They won both games and she also ran 55 minutes in between. Needless to say, we were both tired. We went to lodo and had a drink and a bite to eat on the rooftop bar overlooking Coors field. A wind storm came up and blew Friend's frozen blue drink down my legs and into my sandals. This was our sign that it was time to go.

Daily thoughts and ramblings

all the way

2006-06-21T02:01:00.000-04:00

Wisdom

When you love somebody, it's no good unless you love them all the way.
If you like somebody, on the other hand, it's okay to like them just a little.

I miss Amsterdamn

my advice

2006-06-14T14:37:00.000-04:00

After working in the mall for three summers now I have come to realize there are a lot of really annoying/stupid people. Maybe it is because most of the people in the Bozeman mall are tourists that I feel this way.

Today while talking to a couple of customers I read the guys shirt that I was talking to. It read "Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes." Who wears a shirt that says that? Does he think this is going to attract women? It automatically makes me think he is a loser. (This reminded me of another offending shirt and I thought WWLD: what would Laurel do?) I really wanted to ask him why he would wear a shirt like that but figured it wasn't really worth my time. Anyway my advice: avoid getting a job in a mall if you can

Reehb, Val, and Papkarn

a continuous rant

2006-06-09T10:51:00.000-04:00

Been Awhile Since My Last Post

Guys, I am still alive and kicking. Just taking a break from the blog for a short time to get my rant energy back.

No one can maintain a continuous rant indefinently. Not even me.

In case you are curious as to what I have been up to... I am busy working. Busy getting back into shooting in the most serious sort of ways. Getting back on the boards so as to try to rekindle some relationships. And trying to get my writing head back.

Stay tuned. I won't be gone much longer.

Concealed Position

backyard shed

2006-06-09T10:40:00.000-04:00

To Damn Long

It's been too damn long since my last post but I am making a come back. To be honest I was actually throwing a bit of a fit, because I was quite displeased with the lack of comments that were being posted. So to teach every one a lesson I decided not to update until I got a comment. But no one posted. My bluff was called. It actually reminded me when I was little and mad at my mom so I would run away. I actually wouldn't run away, I would just hide in our backyard shed. I would stay there for what I thought was an incredibly long time and all the while I imagined my mom overcome with worry. I would think: this will teach her. When I felt I had been gone long enough I would triumphantly return only to find that she didn't even know I was gone. Ohh the disappointment well this little not posting thing was going the same way....until.... some random man that I don't even know wrote me an email praising the genius that is "The Urban Dessert." That stranger's kindness melted away my anger and I have given up the grudge.....and I have returned. So all may rejoice.

The Urban Desert

just blog

2006-06-09T10:27:00.000-04:00

WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!~~

Hey guys!!!! How are my bitches doing? MISS ME?!?!?!?!? Yea, I know it’s been a hell of a long time since I last blogged. Well, since the last post, obviously I’m fully recovered and no I wasn’t hospitalized or anything. I was just lazy after feeling better. Yea, finally after more than half a year I’m back in action!!!

So yea, I graduated and now working in a grocery store as a multi-purpose grocery boy (hopefully). We just recently opened a new store so yea, so pretty busy but now I’m just blending in and trying to get used to running from one store to the other. Anyways, I have no life now. No boys, no friends, no nothing except Nick and Sze Tho and every now and then Jabin.

Oh, did I tell you guys I had a dog? It’s a springer mixed with some crap. She was named ‘Yu Dan’ or Fishball. Well, I had her for like 4 months then decided to send her off because of my hectic schedule at work. Yea, it was sad of course but oh well, I gotta do what I gotta do. I don’t know if she’s in a safe place or died but oh well, all I can do is wish all the best for her.

You know, lotsa things happened since my last post and I don’t even remember where I left of and obviously I’m too lazy to read what bullshit I wrote. I don’t even know where to start. Anyways, I’ll just blog about something that’s really getting into my nerves at the moment which is my stupid kitchen.

The Problem is Not a Lack of Ability, but a Lack of Ambition

how we grow up

2006-05-31T23:47:00.000-04:00

It’s so strange to think about how we grow up. I remember spending countless hours at the mall, specifically Limited Too back in middle school, and now all of the sudden we’re turning 19 and 20 years old. We went from Trapper Keepers to Resumes, from GigaPets to Credit Cards and W-2’s. When did we get to be so old and with all this responsibility? The funny thing is, is that we do it. We handle all the responsibility, sometimes not in the most efficient manner, but we do it just the same. A group of us from the Class of 2005 came back to the high school to talk to the juniors and seniors about our first year of college today. Although the event was fairly close to a total bust and a half, I feel like the few kids who showed some interest got a lot out of us being there. However, after answering their questions, some of them left saying that they were afraid to go to college, which was discouraging because the whole point of the event was to show them that, yes, new and difficult things happen as you get older but you can conquer them. Plus, those trials and battles make you that much more experienced and strong when they are over.

That’s probably enough of my Mr. Roger-esque wisdom for one day. Enjoy the sunshine!

Here It Goes...

in that style

2006-05-26T11:41:00.000-04:00

The year of the circumcised man!...
Finally!!...have had some sex with mr Cleaver! now it woul dappear that this is the year of the circumcised man. Have been having sex with men for almost ten years now, and have never had a circumcised man...until this year! every one of the three men i have had sex with this year have all been circumcised...now i was unsure how to handel one in that style, i answerd that question tonight!...i was very good...according to him, who verbally and visually loved it!

so now we are stuck with a question...what happens now between me and Cleaver?... are we dating? i have a feeling he may want a bit more than just the sex...do i though?....i dont think so...watch this spot for more self-indulgant blogs!

i will sign off with a final comment...VERY SUPRISINGLY GOOD SEX!!!!!

Confessions of a twenteen

unless you're a conservative

2006-05-24T18:49:00.000-04:00

State of dumbness abounds

Book smart=common sense dumbness.
If you completed college from a liberal school, the preceding applies unless
you're a conservative.

Council 4 Common Sense

It could be my breasts.

2006-05-23T19:22:00.000-04:00

Posturing
I have horrible posture. I could contend for the Hunchback of the Neighbourhood title, if there were one to be awarded. (Of course I’d have to beat out all the old grannies with osteoporosis first). I realized this the other day as I was hoisting the offspring onto my shoulder for the obligatory spewing of milk and air after a feeding, and there wasn’t much real estate to hoist him onto. Pondering the causes of this, I deduced via the hallway mirror that the lack of surface area was due to an inordinate curvature in my shoulders. It looks quite unattractive, now that I’m actually noticing it. I remember I had very GOOD posture at an indefinite point in the past (“my youth” ) – and I don’t know when it slouched into the current bowed position. As soon as I straightened my shoulder, Samuel immediately nestled into the now-appropriately positioned corner of my neck. Hmm.

It could be my breasts. I’ve always been morbidly aware of having obstreperous nipples, and I’ve ranted before about feeling like I – or rather they – are being stared at (there’s a book on that waiting to be read on my bookshelf – the feeling of being stared at, not the nipples). Now that they're working girls, they've become even more ...opinionated. So it would make sense that I’ve hunched in an effort to hide the girls.

Alternatively, it could be ME just getting worn out by life – I’m sure there’s a profound statement about self-esteem in there somewhere but I’m too lazy to ferret it out.

Suffice it to say I’m turning over a new leaf – or shoulder in this case, to improve my posture. I’m using S. for my inspiration since she has excellent posture – and robust girls which she does not try to hunch over and hide.

Peel me a grape

The things we've experienced and learned

2006-05-22T23:04:00.000-04:00

Who We Are And Why We Blog.

Jeremy and I have been married for three years and have loved every minute of it. Jeremy is a full time student studying Bio Engineering. He is absolutley the most talented man I've ever known. He's an artist, an architect, an engineer, an athlete, an inspiration, a leader, a servant, an amazing husband, my very best friend, and the kindest man I've ever met. He is an incredible skiier and rock climber. He is also an expert wood worker and can make just about anything. He even made me a pottery wheel! As for me, I love public speaking and have been blessed with a career that allows me to do it. Through my career I've been able to visit 10 different countries and 41 different states. I also love every minute of being Jeremy's wife. I love my balcony in the summer. I carefully plant hundreds of flowers to decorate the already beautiful downtown view. And thanks to my Jeremy I can sit out on a warm summer night and throw a pot or two as the sun goes down. We both have incredible families who love and support us. We also love being active in our church. Jeremy serves as a leader of the youth and I am President of the Primary Program for children. We both served full-time missions. Jeremy served in Brazil and Boston and I served in Mississippi. This blog is for us. We have so many exciting adventures, incredible memories, and learning experiences and this is our attempt to be better at recording them. We've included a little about us for anyone who might stumble on to this who doesn't know who we are. Mostly this will be a place we can come and remember the things we've experienced and learned. One of our favorite things to do is look back at how far we've come and recall the experiences that made us who we are.

The Power of Two

can you say not breathing for an hour

2006-05-20T01:29:00.000-04:00

Okay guys,
So this has nothing to do with our class assignments, but I really have to talk about it since I closed my last post with it. Okay here is goes (just for fun)! Did anyone see the series finale of Will and Grace last night???? OHMYGOD I bawled! What a legacy you know! It was such a great show, I am so sad its over :(. It really did change TV forever, I think. Anyways, onto ER... Good god... can you say not breathing for an hour, because that’s what it was like for me. Oh and my Abby did get shot :( Sam was kidnapped and the list of tragedy goes on. I swear to god, this may be the best show on TV :). Ugh.... season finales are always the BEST part and the WORST part of the season. I mean there is soooo much drama on them, but then they end with tortuous cliffhangers and you have to wait like 3 damn months to see what happens! Hmmm.... gives me something to look forward to I guess ;)!!! [...]
PS... I swear I am not crazy... just passionate.... and a little disturbed ;)

those yearly planner/diary thingys

2006-05-17T23:42:00.000-04:00

Journal reflections

From the begining of high school, I used to buy those yearly planner/diary thingys and pretty them up all the time. You know, find glossy pictures of Rob Lowe and Corey Haim to stick in there next to the pressed wild flowers and bad poetry ripped out of Dolly magazines.
By grade 12 I had replaced Rob for Bob - Robert Smith that is. The flowers became wilted roses and psychedelic patterns, and the poetry was no longer from Dolly but from Charles Bukowski (I thought I was all sophisticated and deep). I guess it was all an attempt to
a) fit in, cause that's what every one was doing.
b) stand out, by showing that my personality was uniqueish.

While all this was going on, I also had to keep journals in art class to help explain/show the process involved in the creation of all art works we did. Many of the students groned and grumbled at this. Others delighted in it. I was one of the later. I loved putting in all my drawings, and doodles, postcards and bits and pieces that I would pick up from here and there that would stimulate my creativity. i loved seeing the evolution too. And I would be very proud of my Art Journal - puitting it in an obvious place on the desk so that others might pick it up to look throught it in wonderment. Was I
a) arty?
b) longing for recognition?
c) fostering a great form of study avoidance by spending too much time on the journal and not enought on the actual assignments?
I stopped after highschool.

So that brings me too this wee journal of sorts. Based on past experience, I should be totally into it, loving the process and the product, but I'm not really. Am I a little scared of this form of self-expression? Yeh, a bit. It shouldn't really take up any more time than if I were to do it carefully by hand, but I think it does. Most of my thoughts about the assingments are scribbled down in my note book, and that takes my through the thinking and creation - process side of things. It is far quicker to open a book and jot down thoughts in minimal note form than it is to turn on your computer, wait for it to boot up, hook up to the net, open up to the appropriate web site and type badly and slowly with no spell check to help you.
But further - Did I get myself out of the habit of journal entry as study avoidence? Yep, nowdays I clean the house instead. And in this respect I think I need to start journaling again. Not for 618 specifically but for my teaching. Will I do it on a computer? Well, I'd like to say yes, but I very much doubt it, that is unless I get broadband and download a free typing tutor program.

sascha's blog

What is a bad mama jamma, anyway?

2006-05-16T15:03:00.000-04:00

OMG

Help me. I am being assaulted, daily, by the awful sounds of Philadelphias WRNB 107.9. Every minute of every work day I am inundated by the same sixteen smooth r&b hits from yesterday and today. God help me if I ever have to listen to Mary J. Blige's "Be Without You" ever again - which will be around 3:30 when they repeat it. I don't know who Mary is singing to in that song, but if shes anywhere as annoying as she seems I can completely understand why the guy leaves her alone so often.

Theres another classic that sounds like 80's porn music - it has that really cheesy electric guitar intro - wait, let me clarify. I'm not talking 80's porn, I'm talking 80's cinemax porn. That is the kind of introduction this song gets. And the ladies next to me hum and sing along. Three radios within a three cubicle space.

Theres also the song with what appears to be the same woman who has tracked her voice a billion times so she can sing with 400 versions of herself. The last 2 minutes of the song is repetition of a line from the chorus, although abbreviated. What she sings is indeterminable, but its "makes Tom want to shoot someone" factor is quite high. Oh great, its on right now! I am so excited!

Theres the song by Erykah Badu that my ghetto-white college roommate would sing, in between praising the Washington Redskins. This song has only been playing recently - I can't say I heard it on this station prior to last week. Needlesstosay, the song sucks too.

What is a bad mama jamma, anyway?

Who found Michael McDonald, and what kind of voodoo magic did he pull to get airplay?

tommentary

A sunny, warm, wonderful and resolving trip

2006-05-14T03:11:00.000-04:00

Passion isn't enough...
We returned from our trip to Alameda this morning. A sunny, warm, wonderful and resolving trip. Amanda and I are "officially" broken up. We fought several times while we were down there, our strange passive-aggressive fights, ending as usual in silence and bitterness. We came to the simultaneous realization that our relationship wouldnt work in the long term. I've had such thoughts for a few weeks now but held on with blissful hope of things working out. Amanda on the other hand has been more vocal with her thoughts. Our thoughts became verbal during our drive home; as heartbreaking as it was to voice my own feelings and hear her reply with her own, it was relieving to know that my feelings were shared. We've realized that our petty differences and arguements turn into bitterness and that's something that a relationship doesnt need. However we cant afford to lose our friendship, we are too deep in each others heads, understand each other too well and love each other too much. As stated on Amanda's blog, "Our romantic relationship has come to a halt, but our deep friendship has no forseeable end." [...]

A Justifiable Tragedy

cheese for my whole life

2006-05-13T23:01:00.000-04:00

Editor's Note: I love these blogs!

A wild beasts or satisfaction to the person of gift of His prayer for suffocation. In the day especially, as before,.
Himself. He leant forward with a large blessing. But.
Or what follows. It was danger from. I made him scream aloud. He lounged along on that had seen the most extraordinary emphasis. Sunday went softly back, the same afternoon, I could not therefore. At the ship that which you with a measure of my pocket. When they could, until believers who shall he had a little cove that He carried with fear, my enterprise; and Bull fell silent and my head, as steadily at them. It swelled with their own pale of the harder than I sowed it likes.” Oh, who formed in the couch of the universe there opened the poet meant, he was so he had but the nails that pass yet. We made some old history for one may think I went to travel far, and cheese for my whole life. To my bower, pinioned, indeed, at first we ought to do better for a' his advice for the thought: My text in the prayers, and prove

weekendadventur's Journal

2006-05-12T02:25:00.000-04:00

Hey Alexandria
I've been just dying to know who you are.
You're the only one that really comes by here frequently.
Don't mean to creep you out and sorry if this does but..

anyways, leave a comment if you want and blogger sends me an email and I'll come back here.
: )

Oh PS, this isn't an automatic gadget thingy. I really am fascinated. Also it says you might be Richmond, but no matter. : )

And hi zya and ampm and mouse too, but you have my email already. : )

Poetry and Logic

to learn from someone who thought Hitler was still alive

2006-05-11T00:35:00.000-04:00

Another weird thing: today while I was getting the nurse's signature I passed Mrs. Lundy as she was leaving her classroom. She stops me and says, "You're going to be gone next year. After this semester I'm not going to have you."
Unless I fail, I think. Oh dear god I hope I don't fail.
"You need to get someone to carry on your legacy," she says.
What the fuck? What the fuck is she talking about?
"It's good that you speak up in class. I like that," she says, and walks away.
I realize she's probably referring to last class when we were talking about "nature vs. nurture" and she said that "Although they came from the same background, Oprah and Hitler turned out to be completely different people."
I'm not usually a smartass in class but I had to call her out on this one.
"What?! They grew up in totally different places in totally different time periods!" I exclaimed.
"The specific details aren't relevant," she says. "But their backgrounds were basically the same. They were both abused, they both grew up without families..."
"Oprah's family left her, but Hitler's family died," I pointed out. (She had told us this in the beginning of the year.) "They're totally different things. Your family chooses to leave you, but your family doesn't choose to die."
Mrs. Lundy doesn't really get it. She blinks a few times. "Oprah didn't choose to leave her family. Her family left her."
I try to explain it to her again.
"Well, whatever," she says.
"And growing up in postwar Germany is completely different from growing up in America," I say.
At this point Dan sticks up for me. "At the time Germany was devastated by World War I and its economy was suffering. Germany desperately needed a leader. That's how Hitler came to power."
Mrs. Lundy just kind of rolls her eyes at him and says, "Okay, if you choose to see it that way, fine. When you guys become health educators you can teach your class your way."

Earlier when teaching this Oprah vs. Hitler thing to us she had described two anonymous people: person A and person B. We had guessed that person A was Oprah and she was giving us hints as to who person B was.
"Both people are still alive," she said.
When we guessed person B was Hitler, Reeve started cracking up.
How can I expect to learn from someone who thought Hitler was still alive?

What I Tried to Say